i had a nice time in school today... the bulk of it is with yoke.... u had to ask me what bus did i take to sch? perhaps, u don't know how it does to me.... i don't blame u.... but the thing is, why don't u do less of that, so that i have less reason to think of u? i sense the shift in dynamics.... perhaps u don't, and i don't really care.... the thing is, i know very well what i see in u, and perhaps that is not enough.... i don't know, and don't really wanna care abt this anymore... and ur msn nick is just irking.... enough said..... as my frens always say, fate will always bring us together.... if we are really meant to be...
had a nice day with yoke... we ate minced prok mee poh at NIE.... which was so nice with the vinegar! then, we shared a platter of fruits and cheng teng... we were so full! then, we proceed to the NIE library.... it's a nice place.... too nice, we fell asleep.... i fell asleep twice... haha.... but then, manage to understand stuff about biz law.... read the stuff for biz law for lec tmr... it's helpful.... i suppose...
we went to Canteen A to eat at abt 8, study till abt 9, then went home.... it was quite nice, as in i can keep my concentration.... hope to have time to do it again, hiaz... tuition is always in the way... see lar... how it goes...
on the way home, mz msged me... -_- ask me whether maple is working or not.... and when i show my concern towards him, telling yoke and my sis abt him, they scolded me.... i don't really blame them, perhaps, i am too overtly concerned? so i shall stop it.... but, i really do treat him as a friend now.... and don't ask me who i'm trying to convince... it's true....
doing some d/ling on maple... it's so slow....
hiaz... v tired... gonna zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Friday, October 14, 2005
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
wednesday afternoon....
i have OBD presentation today.... &, luckily, i did not fumble..... forgot to mention 1 point.... i guess that's alright..... hopefully, the grp members don't take it personally against me.... haha....
when to jean yip for a hair cut.... perhaps, they are rather aggressive.... trying to get u to do this and tt.... and the thing is, i was dressed rather formally, hence, it's not really helping... think i'm rich? crazy.... my hair is rather short now... haha.... need some time to get used to it....
hiaz.... don't really know how to describe what i feel... just that i did not put much expectations into it, hence, i do not feel that disappointed.... yeah, it's better this way... much better....
when to jean yip for a hair cut.... perhaps, they are rather aggressive.... trying to get u to do this and tt.... and the thing is, i was dressed rather formally, hence, it's not really helping... think i'm rich? crazy.... my hair is rather short now... haha.... need some time to get used to it....
hiaz.... don't really know how to describe what i feel... just that i did not put much expectations into it, hence, i do not feel that disappointed.... yeah, it's better this way... much better....
wednesday: nervous siaz....
i'm half an hr from my OBD presentation... hope everything goes on fine.... after the last time, i'm quite skeptical abt how i'm gonna present today.... rehearse many times le... it shld be fine...
hiaz.... actually, i'm quite glad i have this mentality in dealing with the situation... i was thinking, if i really go and try to make contact, it will be much worse... perhaps, this is better and i will continue with it.... yes, let nature takes it course for everything...
just had AB114 quiz... lol... didn't really study and i hope i'll do ok... thought it's rather ok....
gonna study with yoke tmr! yay! finally will get started on some things....
gonna go cut hair later....
hiaz.... sitting beside my mates from AB114..... diao... no comments.....
hiaz.... actually, i'm quite glad i have this mentality in dealing with the situation... i was thinking, if i really go and try to make contact, it will be much worse... perhaps, this is better and i will continue with it.... yes, let nature takes it course for everything...
just had AB114 quiz... lol... didn't really study and i hope i'll do ok... thought it's rather ok....
gonna study with yoke tmr! yay! finally will get started on some things....
gonna go cut hair later....
hiaz.... sitting beside my mates from AB114..... diao... no comments.....
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
tuesday black blues
ok, it's working... the sch's server is freaking slow... and aargh! i just had a session of biz law... i admit that i did not put in the effort and analysis into this particular tutorial.... and worse, i got the guy that i hope to avoid for biz law... hooray... they probably think i'm some kind of idiot.... i guess, i don't blame them, i don't contribute, i mean... i got the first question confused.... and i did not have enough slp last night, and my mind is kind of stuck.... how to think? and i feel guilty.... i don't even know what's wrong with me.... during discussions, i used to be able to think and just say what i have in mind, and that's with frens, i guess... or classmates, ppl whom i meet and know.... but uni is really different.... i don't often meet them, and due to the fact that i need time to open up, i find it really hard to just talk.... the teacher rotates the grp every week, and by now, most must know that i refuse to contribute.... i really resent that... tt's why for today, i really did try.... but it didn't work out... hiaz..... i really dunno... dunno the reason for this failure....
i'm feeling down now.... and it's not really helping that i have OB rehearsal later... the OB group likes to waste time, but i have to say, they are really constructive when it comes to work... i really appreciate the fact they are in my grp, and that we make a great team.... and it's that i'm quiet too? not talking much... the fact is, i don't see them often.... wtf... and i'm straightforward at the wrong time.... aargh! this is really not helping.....
yeah, been sleeping v little hrs these few days... it's really by choice and not anything... hiaz... what else, chatting... the thing is, been chatting with jun hong.... and we can chat, yar, and that.... i don't really wanna make it a permanent thing, cos, i've been feeling v weird... i don' really know how to describe the feeling, just that i don't mind chatting with him, and that we have nice chats.... yeah, think i should just take it as that.... cos, anything more.... yar, said it b4..... i'm closing my heart for now.... can't take it anymore.... and the thing is, i have to meet him on the bus today.... what a coincidence..... yeah, we didn't sit side by side, but rather, back to back... quite ok, talking to him.... aargh.... ok, some things are meant to be kept private.... haha, write in my diary tonight...
hiaz..... today's really a bad day.... i dun even know what to say or do... just hope that we rehearse real quick, cos, i wanna slp early and study for tmr's quiz... as for the presentation, i'm just gonna stay calm, and i believe i can do it.... take care everyone...
i'm feeling down now.... and it's not really helping that i have OB rehearsal later... the OB group likes to waste time, but i have to say, they are really constructive when it comes to work... i really appreciate the fact they are in my grp, and that we make a great team.... and it's that i'm quiet too? not talking much... the fact is, i don't see them often.... wtf... and i'm straightforward at the wrong time.... aargh! this is really not helping.....
yeah, been sleeping v little hrs these few days... it's really by choice and not anything... hiaz... what else, chatting... the thing is, been chatting with jun hong.... and we can chat, yar, and that.... i don't really wanna make it a permanent thing, cos, i've been feeling v weird... i don' really know how to describe the feeling, just that i don't mind chatting with him, and that we have nice chats.... yeah, think i should just take it as that.... cos, anything more.... yar, said it b4..... i'm closing my heart for now.... can't take it anymore.... and the thing is, i have to meet him on the bus today.... what a coincidence..... yeah, we didn't sit side by side, but rather, back to back... quite ok, talking to him.... aargh.... ok, some things are meant to be kept private.... haha, write in my diary tonight...
hiaz..... today's really a bad day.... i dun even know what to say or do... just hope that we rehearse real quick, cos, i wanna slp early and study for tmr's quiz... as for the presentation, i'm just gonna stay calm, and i believe i can do it.... take care everyone...
avalanche
i feel so stupid... i don't even know what they are talking about for IT project... yeah, i shld have read the notes b4 the discussion... but then, i have no time.... no excuse though... hiaz
haven finish my econs and biz law tutorial
gonna miss OB lec tmr, if i slp after 2 tonight...
and, yeah, hiaz... OB presentation coming up... feel kinda guilty for not being creative enough, not knowing how to do the slides, not thinking of solutions but contributing to the problem...
i sux...
and there's biz law tutorial tmr...
why can't the week just end right now?
haven finish my econs and biz law tutorial
gonna miss OB lec tmr, if i slp after 2 tonight...
and, yeah, hiaz... OB presentation coming up... feel kinda guilty for not being creative enough, not knowing how to do the slides, not thinking of solutions but contributing to the problem...
i sux...
and there's biz law tutorial tmr...
why can't the week just end right now?
Sunday, October 09, 2005
the dukes of hazzard
hiaz... hiaz... hiaz.... i've not finished my PA essay... serves me right, thinking i've a lot of time, when i knew i have none.... it's ok, i just wanna think that the avalanche upon me right now is only for this week.... so tired... slept for only 5 hrs everyday... still surviving... and i can... most prob, not gonna slp tonight, and that is so exciting and i'm looking forward to it.... hiaz.... have not done my econs tutorial and biz law tutorial... really good luck man to me....
the icy queen felt the cold claws snaking towards her. perhaps, it was always there, silently moving in for the kill. only, at that instant, she felt it. the claws grabbed her heart, wrapped it in a vice-like grip, forever, killing the remaining feelings she had in her capacity to love.
the sudden clarity i had yesterday night was so strong, that i felt nothing at all... perhaps, all the nights of guessing, hoping, praying, even though i know it will all come to naught, has taken a toil... i've never felt so clear before in my life.... yeah, i've gone through all the motions i had, the stupidity, yeah, and all that.. but the thing is, we owe each other nothing, and it's really better this way... yeah, it'll be more difficult for me to open up, yeah, come try if u can... i will applaud u for the effort, really... but besides that, unless one is special to me... nothing will ever come out of anything.... it's quite sad actually.... but i don't mind.... it's better this way..... the sudden moment of realisation, is just so bitter sweet.....
sometimes, i wonder, if i'm just an irritating person... u know, when ppl chat with me, i will usually initiate the topics and stuff... come on, u r chatting with me rite? yeah, and sometimes, i don't even know if the other side wants to reply but i just press on... am i being a nuisance? i don't know and don't really care.... hiaz... whatever.... just really sianz right now...
hiaz, gonna meet for OBD project tomorrw... perhaps, it's for the better, but sometimes, it's just irritating... meet and meet.... i'm very quiet during the discussions.... despite an all gals grp.... dunno, i've been retreating deeper and deeper into my shell interms of meeting ppl.... bad or good? i really dun wanna guess... however, i have this sense of feeling that i can't strike off... it has alot to do with my op... now, no time, shall talk abt it next time...
i remember! watched dukes of hazzard... the CC invited me... it's quite a dumb movie with no substance at all.... yeah, it's funny and all, but then, i can't laugh much.... strange, perhaps, the movie really suxs... haha...
hiaz... back to the PA essay which never seems to end... aargh... save me...
the icy queen felt the cold claws snaking towards her. perhaps, it was always there, silently moving in for the kill. only, at that instant, she felt it. the claws grabbed her heart, wrapped it in a vice-like grip, forever, killing the remaining feelings she had in her capacity to love.
the sudden clarity i had yesterday night was so strong, that i felt nothing at all... perhaps, all the nights of guessing, hoping, praying, even though i know it will all come to naught, has taken a toil... i've never felt so clear before in my life.... yeah, i've gone through all the motions i had, the stupidity, yeah, and all that.. but the thing is, we owe each other nothing, and it's really better this way... yeah, it'll be more difficult for me to open up, yeah, come try if u can... i will applaud u for the effort, really... but besides that, unless one is special to me... nothing will ever come out of anything.... it's quite sad actually.... but i don't mind.... it's better this way..... the sudden moment of realisation, is just so bitter sweet.....
sometimes, i wonder, if i'm just an irritating person... u know, when ppl chat with me, i will usually initiate the topics and stuff... come on, u r chatting with me rite? yeah, and sometimes, i don't even know if the other side wants to reply but i just press on... am i being a nuisance? i don't know and don't really care.... hiaz... whatever.... just really sianz right now...
hiaz, gonna meet for OBD project tomorrw... perhaps, it's for the better, but sometimes, it's just irritating... meet and meet.... i'm very quiet during the discussions.... despite an all gals grp.... dunno, i've been retreating deeper and deeper into my shell interms of meeting ppl.... bad or good? i really dun wanna guess... however, i have this sense of feeling that i can't strike off... it has alot to do with my op... now, no time, shall talk abt it next time...
i remember! watched dukes of hazzard... the CC invited me... it's quite a dumb movie with no substance at all.... yeah, it's funny and all, but then, i can't laugh much.... strange, perhaps, the movie really suxs... haha...
hiaz... back to the PA essay which never seems to end... aargh... save me...
wedding dinner
yeah... it's 12:27am sunday morning, and i'm typing my blog... have to wake up early tomorrow, cos got to go for this CC meeting.... just came back from the wedding... at oh god, i don't even know the name of the hotel... haha... it was the usual stuff... perhaps, if i'm not wrong, this couple is kinda low-key, cos the frens are also sorta quiet... i've seen better yam sengs.... and, the person getting married is my mom's cousin... the kind, i've not seen till now... haha.... and the hateful thing is, the cousins themselves like to compare.... so, one of my mom's cousin wife came over with her son, one year older than me.... saying like oh, he's in army... then they were making small talk... then suddenly, he's going nan da next year... i was like what a show-off.... then my mum was like, oh, (pointing at me), she's at nan da now... crazy.... do u have to bring ur son over? when she first appear, i was like, there's gonna be trouble... and sure enough... haha... parents these days.... mad leh.... come on, there's like thousands of ppl in uni these days.... stupid...
yeah, and i almost got drunk.... drank abt half a bottle of red wine, the most i have for any alcoholic drinks... the thing is i don't even mind... how do i know i almost got drunk? cos, i was feeling light and woozy.... almost like floating... but i was sane as in not drunk, knowing my surroundings and stuff.... if i drank 2 more cups, i will sure be talking nonsense... don't get me wrong, i've never gotten drunk in my whole life, and i don't mind trying, just for the experience... the thing is, i wanted to get drunk just now.... had this feeling that i really wanna forget all the stuff i'm experiencing right now.... and the biggest obstacle, is my dad.... i still can't get myself to be nice to him.... aargh.... i will try.... this knot has to be broken once and for all.... sch work, many things!!
feeling much down to earth right now.... the alcoholic effects wearing off by now... wanna sleep, but still have essay to do.... hiaz... i'm gonna ask for extension.... sianz..... why do everything have to come at once, dinner, cc outing, project... aargh! and this inexplicable know and heavy feeling in me...
and the thing is i feel like taking for once.... instead of giving... it's really draining... and i hate it... geraldine once asked me this question... if there's red and white roses, which will u choose, and in what ratio if there's both.... i chose all red.... it means i'm the giver... and white is the opposite.... not surprising.... hiaz... please, let me be at the receiving end for once! i need it!
hiaz... good luck with essay....
yeah, and i almost got drunk.... drank abt half a bottle of red wine, the most i have for any alcoholic drinks... the thing is i don't even mind... how do i know i almost got drunk? cos, i was feeling light and woozy.... almost like floating... but i was sane as in not drunk, knowing my surroundings and stuff.... if i drank 2 more cups, i will sure be talking nonsense... don't get me wrong, i've never gotten drunk in my whole life, and i don't mind trying, just for the experience... the thing is, i wanted to get drunk just now.... had this feeling that i really wanna forget all the stuff i'm experiencing right now.... and the biggest obstacle, is my dad.... i still can't get myself to be nice to him.... aargh.... i will try.... this knot has to be broken once and for all.... sch work, many things!!
feeling much down to earth right now.... the alcoholic effects wearing off by now... wanna sleep, but still have essay to do.... hiaz... i'm gonna ask for extension.... sianz..... why do everything have to come at once, dinner, cc outing, project... aargh! and this inexplicable know and heavy feeling in me...
and the thing is i feel like taking for once.... instead of giving... it's really draining... and i hate it... geraldine once asked me this question... if there's red and white roses, which will u choose, and in what ratio if there's both.... i chose all red.... it means i'm the giver... and white is the opposite.... not surprising.... hiaz... please, let me be at the receiving end for once! i need it!
hiaz... good luck with essay....
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