Wednesday, May 31, 2006
today my aunty came over, and we had a ball of the time... went to the food court for some desserts, and then went back to the playground for some workout, they have built some exercising machines in my area. wanted to play catching with the kids, but well, they didn't ask me, so i didn't volunteer. kind of weird. but i missed the fun of playing catching.... hiaz. why do we have to grow up? managed to talk abt stuff with my aunt, and i was glad that i talked to the right person. she asked me this question. how important is religion to u? i have been questioning myself, but i didn't dare to answer it. after i told her, i realise that, i need to do something... hmm...
have been thinking abt the idea of hurting someone... not physical, u get the idea. even if someone is willing to get hurt, it just is not right? it never is, hurting someone, when u know u wil eventually... so, i guess, that solves everything already... =)
ok, gonna go watch grease tomorrow... hmm, hopefully, it's nice? haha....
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
was supposed to be studying with yoke today, well, i did memorise that something has 6 photons, cos, was staring at the sole slide. haha... talked quite a bit, and i realise something, i was quite dense. hmm, don't think i'm thinking too much, as it didn't occur to me at all, and that i'm someone who usually thinks a lot. i really feel like "banging my head against the wall". a nice new beginning?? well, quite open to the idea. i need to forget, and that this may be just the thing to help? i hope so... do i sound like i'm using someone? well, not really, i do give equally.... =) yupz, will be giving things a month to work itself out... perhaps, my faith will be restored once again...
i really hope things will work out for everyone. in general, stay happy, don't think too much, just live life as it is. don't be too nitty-gritty abt things, and perhaps, u'll find that u are not that bad a person after all, and that, u'll be much happier. picking on things that doesn't matter will, u will end up hurting urself, and i really don't wanna see that. i'm contented and satisfied with my life now. are u? no matter what, be thankful for what u have, and don't ask for more. just that, in life, it's not too good to demand for more than what u can give/offer, as everything may be taken from u totally. i don't want to see that happen to u. i will always be there, regardless of whether u see it, know it, want to feel it. i may not be the best, but i try, i may not live up to your expectations, but i try. i'm only a human being, wanting the same things as u do. not the exact same things, but, the essential of it. so, just be happy with life, u may get more out of it then the current situation. so, yupz... stay happy!
kk, got dental apppointment, hope my new doctor's cool!
Monday, May 29, 2006
hmm, my family made dumplings today... not bad then the usual!! so, gonna eat dumplings for a few days! alright!
went to watch xmen today! well, i agreed to accompany mz even though i wasn't that keen on the movie. never watched the previous 2 before, so i thought it was a cool movie!! many say that the previous ones were much better... hmm, well, my first attempt at xmen, i think it was not bad... at least i didn't laugh at the stupidity of comics or anything, it was well strewn together... hiaz, just that the storm and wolverine romance wasn't explored... which was quite sad...! ok, a sucker for romance till the last!
it was a nice day... catching up with a dear old friend. well, something must be wrong with the bluetooth connection. i can't receive the song...!! it sounds not bad too... sianz... msn is not being nice, and now, bluetooth too!! haha....
anyway, hope for more nice days to come... i believe i will enjoy my days!! yes!
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Saturday, May 27, 2006
and for students, if u don't wanna listen to your teacher, then don't come and have lessons, i can jolly well do without u. whatever i say, u just throw a temper or show unwillingness to learn, i can be nasty, it's just that i choose not to, so, u better know where u stand before i show my anger. u are already at a high grade, don't listen at your own cost, but don't spoil my reputation, alright, whatever.
anyway, went causeway with mum and twin sis today. bought my sports shoes, reebok socks, had bubble tea and sushi. well, just hope that the black cloud moves faster away, i can dare to hope, can't i?
gonna to go watch the ring soon. i hope it does not freak me out!!
Friday, May 26, 2006
u initiated it
i kept everything the same
it is increasingly becoming difficult
to not feel angry
becoming not me
just yearning for a listening ear
i don't say
i just want u to ask
u never did
it's not u to ask
so i kept quiet too.
i question, why become angry?
i've decided, forget it
it's the same old tune everytime
same old boring issues
same old unresolved problems
no point bringing it up
yeah, there's no point
keeping the status quo
just making the problem worse
who will lose in the end?
that's not really important.
what's important is, can u lose it all?
u can't, and who wants to lose?
it doesn't matter to me
but it does to u
been doing things that matter to u most of the time,
yet, it does not matter at all
u don't see at all
conclusion? i don't have one.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
the astro lecturer had changed. i like his notes, plentiful of information, the sort that, when u don't listen in lectures, u will still understand what's going on, because of the notes. i slept today!! aargh! well, he had a very soothing voice. actually, a nice lecturer, just that, it's boring. and i don't really understand all the technical terms, getting quite confused already!! i hope it will not get worse!
i thought i could do it. but i can't. and i don't know what to do, so that i can help myself. i'm not feeling down, disappointed, or even vaguely sad. i'm now scared. u see, u have not kept to your side of the bargain. and i don't know if i can let go, whether i want to let go. whether are u already letting go, whether u want to let go. i don't even care. just that, please, let me and help me to let go, because i can't do it alone. i don't get that vibe from u and i need to. u are not being fair, maybe i'm thinking too much, but i'm not. draw the line pls, i already am, u need to. or u don't know how to? then where does that leave us? or even me? we are not being fair to ourselves, u see. pls, help me. i don't want to shed more tears.
having drastic mood swings recently. i have been doing the best i can, helping at home, doing chores, basically, doing what i have to do, even though sometimes, it's inevitable that i can't fulfill all because i have to go out. but the thing is, don't ever doubt me, ok. i don't know why, i got the feeling that everyone is against me, and i'm not imagining it. family, why must it go to this? sigh. i guess, it takes 2 hands to clap, and i'm slowly not trying anymore. what's the point? it's all the same sad story, scolding me, thinking i'm high and mighty. hiaz, why bother in the end? yeah. just do my best, and hope that it is being appreciated. i have always done that, so pls, i do need some respect.
many stuff happening, makes me feel all sianz and i don't know, uptight in a way. good mood, come back! i need u!
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
it's hard to draw a line between friendship and relationships. this experience has left me pretty confused. very confused, that i have stopped trying to see what is what already. acutally, i'm badly shaken by this experience, no point hiding, i really am. i didn't expect things to be so tough, to dwell so much into things. the thing is, it's over, and i'm glad for it. i don't understand why ppl can't get that we are just friends and nth. i'm actually very tired of feeling, clarifying, talking abt him. yeah, i know i have been talking abt this issue for a long time and i'm gonna stop. no more! enough! i'm very tired already. once bitten twice shy. that's the exact feeling i have. just this sudden tiredness. hiaz. whatever.
hmm.... i just hope things remain peaceful at home.
american idol results will be out tomorrow! i hope katherine wins! her rendition of "somewhere over the rainbow" is beautiful! and she looks the part of an idol too...
sch tmr. sianz.
oops, forgot to mention abt the ganbei session today! its fun! never drank so much lemon tea in my life before.... haha... we sat at carl's junior and talk abt stuff! it's really crappy and fun, then we'll get to know more abt friends! then we headed to esplanade to play bridge. hmm, never walk that esplanade way for a long time. i really love the ambience and environment! hope to catch a performance there soon...!
ok, tt's abt it! hope that more happy days will come...!
1. the best canteen food among all the jcs!!
2. the grey uniform!
3. the wonderful arts fac!
4. the stone tables!
5. mr whitby!
6. my wonderful & slack class!! & dear yoke of course!
7. blue slips!
8. sharon phua!
9. mr dio!
10. ms ng!
hmm, this is what i remember. basically, the people and teachers i meet. haha...
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
talk abt lots of stuff with yoke. hmm, guess that my conviction is there already, didn't know it's that strong. i hope yoke has the conviction in her situation too... haha....
gonna go watch over the hedge later!! i'm so gonna love the show!!!!
ganbei session tmr!
Monday, May 22, 2006
actually, there's a void in my blog, not sure if anyone notices, but i did it purposely. anyway, it's not important if anyone notices, but rather i care abt it or not, or the extent and degree that i want to talk abt it. i'll be lying if i say it doesn't matter and am not talking abt it, i am, but not here. well, the point in mentioning it, is that, i still do care, and that's what i want to say. ok, enough.
i hope this week passes by without much highs and downs, ups and lows, u get the drift. just hope that i can enjoy whatever i have right now. =)
Sunday, May 21, 2006
slept abt 4 hours today. woke up early for the big walk. i was quite enthusiastic, in the sense, i really wanted to walk at least abt 2km. however, guess what, my cousins woke up late, and we even missed the opening, hence, didn't even walk!!! hiaz... so, we sat around, took many yougurts, goodie bags and waited for the lucky draw. haha, of course, we didn't win anything. must go next year!! i really want to walk the walk, haha....!
went to PS to treat my sis cartel. my first time there, so, was quite impressed by the food. the service was quite alright too... hmm, enjoyed myself, shopping! i need tops! skirts! bottoms! basically everything. however, the prices are kind of a turn-off. hopefully, there are places with cheap clothes! which is quite impossible, as, the clothes are priced at the kind of prices. sigh, and not earning much recently, but spending lots!! i need some control with my life! but, what the heck. oops, i haven't study for my quiz yet!! oh no, hmm, will study tonight i guess. just hope that i can have the concentration needed!!!
have been feel quite happy recently. in the sense that i feel very light and free of burden. sometimes, some acting is needed, so that there is conviction and belief in oneself. even though the acting is not that tough, as i believe, some feelings are true, but it's not really healthy to lie to oneself all the time. i need time, i realise, and that i'm not as strong as i think i am. i did it again yesterday, but it's coming less freely, and easier to control. and i love my mum, she's cool to anyone who bullies me.... =)
been meaning to change my blogskin for sometime. after some procrastinating, i managed to find one. gonna change it after this entry! yay! i hope everyone who reads my blog likes it too! so long!
Friday, May 19, 2006
went to JEC for a game of pool today... with dear hm and hq... hm gave us a rattan ball!!! so sweet! haha... relatively stress-free playing pool with them. hmm, getting to know the physics of the game quite well~! must jia you more!! haha...
well, recently, feeling quite light and burden-free... didn't realise that clarifying something can bring such great relief... i realise that i'm an idealistic person, after encountering a few incidents. not that i'm not an idealistic person, but when it comes to relationships, i'm particularly an idealistic person. haha...
i made a promise to myself, and i'm gonna keep it.
ok, some unplanned plans for tomorrow. see how it goes!!!
Thursday, May 18, 2006
we next went to eat zhu chao at city harvest church area. hmm, we have kang kong (my fav), cai dan, yam ring, chicken, sweet sour pork and ma po tou fu! after that, headed to a void deck to play bridge. hiaz, must learn to keep my mouth shut sometimes... haha...
ok, busy crapping online. hmm... ok, this entry is not really working! ok, blog more tmr!
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
hmm, tmr's gonna have a badminton session. hopefully, it will be fun!! first time playing with strangers. well, people i have never played with. so, ya... just hope they don't beat me hands down! shld be fun!!
hmm, gonna go play badminton later... with my cousin. quite glad they did well for the exams. even though the language results were terrible. gotta go drill them for it. well, i owe them a movie now. haha... so long!!
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
ok, that shld be it... so long. back to mapling!
Monday, May 15, 2006
a boring life as usual, well, after the chalet, lots of rest is needed man. slept really full. a record of 10 hours!! haha... in deep slumber too!
i was watching survivor just now, the last episode of the whole season. haha, i always do that. hmm, well, they were talking abt how ppl cheated, lie throughout the whole show and all that. and this contestant mentioned something abt young ppl, who have not experienced and cannot talk abt lying and cheating, thinking that they understand all that. and i realise, i have been living my life in a lie. well, i do hate it, but i have no choice. and i want to get out of this stupid lie. sometimes, it's inevitable that ppl lie, as in this survivor game. u want to win a million bucks, u lie. why do i lie? well, i didn't do it on purpose. i did it because i have no choice.
it's sad right, u lie because u have no choice. then let it be sad then. i have no energy to challenge anything. lying, amazingly takes very little effort. simple and easy. yeah, perhaps, after more lies, than it will become reality. that's the point.
sianz la, talking abt this depressing topic. whatever. there's sch tmr. hopefully, would not sleep. actually, never sleep before, although the thought has crossed my mind a couple of times. haha.
since i'm in the mood for blogging, let's blog more. ok, was just telling jh that i listen to jj songs when i'm a little sad. haha, ok, that's not a lie. and i realise, i do that. hmm, different moods, listen to different. one of my favourite singers, yet i listen to his songs when i'm a little sad. haha. that means, i realise, i seldom listen to his songs. hmm, okay.
anyways, let's stop before more rubbish spews out of my mouth. so long then.
Sunday, May 14, 2006
haha, the ppl playing mahjong had a fun time "victimising" the ppl not playing... quite fun man, saboing each other....
yoke also lost her ring, which is hiaz...
hmm, quite sad, didn't get to see the wonderful sunrise. the weather was a bit of a downer, so much fog, and the trees were in the way. well, must say, kind of miss holidays with scenery to look at. don't know why, trying to have some peace and quiet recently, searching for my inner peace, and have not quite reached that level yet. hiaz, this is bad man. have not have the inner peace for quite some time, and i'm at a loss... don't know what to do... but i believe i can find it soon. it's in the stars.
hiaz, i did it again. sianz. disgusting. nvm. don't know why. hiaz. it's always like this ain't it? just have to get used to it. sometimes, i wonder, how can u look at me in the eye and deny all that has happened? yeah. it's really that simple. deny. pretend. everyone always does that rite? how can i expect any lesser from u. when i actually do. don't know why am i still bring this up? i'm a gal, i can be all dramatic, whatever. it's over, and i'm gald that i feel lighter, that something has been lifted. i just want my inner peace! damn it!
something's changed between us. and i think it's coming from both of us. don't know why, just feel that is not something good. and yeah, i have to bear most of the blame i guess. well, life's like that, what to expect? sick of expectations, just plain tired.
feel like running away recently. it's not due to anybody or anything. just feel like being alone, think things through, find out what i want. in the process, come out a stronger me. similarly, find joy in doing the things i want to do, then just going through the motions. actually, wanna go watch the sunset alone, sit in the park, but i know yoke wun allow me. =) thankful for her...
ok, this is rather, well fragmented. ok, tired ma... cya later.
Friday, May 12, 2006
well, today started off rather well. had a date to play badminton with mz. well, what the heck, it started to ring bells in the sky, then lightning streaks beautifully across the sky. wind billowing, well, not long after it started to rain cats and dogs!! hiaz, i thought i could have a work out, but, it was not meant to be. then we started walking ard the void deck b4 i realise that i have to hide at his house. his dad cook some chendol, not bad la. haha. then saw an insight into his life, stuff he collects and all. hmm, not bad... haha...
well, don't know why, he has an ability to say what's on my mind, or rather stuff i want to hear. well, seldom have frens like that. glad to have frens like that! thankful for them. perhaps, one day, we'll get a work out on badminton soon!
sigh. got a feeling that i pissed someone off, or rather made someone angry. i didn't do it on purpose, and i hate the feeling of like i've done something wrong. and the thing is, i can't even resolve it, seriously, why do i bloody hell care so much? because i do. shit. and, i soon am not gonna too anymore. whatever.
chalet for 2 days. report after that. so long!
cease of speciality
is it real?
the mind refuses to make sense
of something ambiguous
this is it?
the smile lights up not
where it used to
the care and concern is still there
lessening day and day
tiredness is taking over
is this what i want?
the realisation that
i still do care
i still love u
is it of relevance?
blocking out works
far too effective.
why can't u make a decision?
this is not love.
and i got into it
i chose this path?
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
today is a slow day. the only major thing happening is my archer lvling up to lvl 30 now. haha, and not gonna wait for jm to PQ anymore. different timing. anyway, went shopping for my char. looks so cool and cute!! maybe upload the pic later... oh, my assassin also has lvled up! k, shall upload both pics later, my chars in their glory...! haha...
ok, have already uploaded the photo. haha. nice?
ok, quite a boring day today. managed to finish by book. the broker by john grisham. it's a pity i didn't read the book continuously, but with breaks in between. else, i would have enjoyed the book more.
yawn. think i'll go running later. what the heck, I WILL GO. must get into shape. healthier and a happier me. seriously, i need another kbox session. anyone available? haha....
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
today, yoke and i were quite sianz. then i went coffee club xpress to get their cake. it was not bad at all!! haha... then we called unclelemon and jh to come down and play bridge with us. hmm, i must have some good luck or something. got damn good cards! haha, so won quite a couple of games!
yeah, sianz la, i hate verbal abuse. who likes it? thought u'll be a sympathetic audience. whatever. k. just hope mum's not really pissed, and dad for that matter. suxs. hiaz.
real tired. also don't know why. didn't do much though. slept like a pig during the train ride. think i'm quite discriminating towards fat ppl with big butts, cos, in trains, i don't really like butts to butts touching. then, erm, ya know. sigh, ok.
Monday, May 08, 2006
well, yz and jy has to return the key to sch. so, jh and i headed to the arcade. haha, haven't been to the arcade in ages! hmm, abt, 5 years, i guess... playing... seriously, i like dayonta (don't know spelling), hmm, maybe bring my cousins to play next time....! and some shooting game, omg... seriously, a mountain tortoise, never go to the arcade! first time playing too... haha... headed to the library next. it's a nice environment. never guess that different libraries have different focus. then, went to s11 for some popiah, and talk there. must say again, besides close frens, never really felt that i'm able to confide so easily in someone. well, yuan fen i guess. sometimes, when people are meant to be good frens, they are just meant to be.
went to play pool after that, cos, yz and jy finally came. haha... well, it's really a tough game i must say, hmm, but guess, improving to a certain extent...! hmm, must get ppl to play with me...!
sigh, tmr intersem is starting. ok ba, just kinda sianz, cos haven't really fully enjoy myself. ok, my plans for the following week. sch, badminton and chalet. hope to be more busy. hate home. stupid complaints all the time.
sianz, now that hols are here. well, happy mapling? i guess.
Sunday, May 07, 2006
anyway, going k tmr!
went jogging today!!! finally, must not be a fat wuss!
spent 4 hrs online today. terrible!!!
hiaz, life's quite sianz now... take care everyone.
Saturday, May 06, 2006
anyway, exams are over. waiting for the results. went to watch mission impossible 3 today! oh my! it's really a fabulous movie! it's better than the first one by more than a mile! hmm, the story line is quite comical too, not just action-packed, move and move without any breathing! so, really must go catch it! and not to forget, tom cruise is so so cool!!!!!
gonna go cut hair tomorrow. it's really in a mess. yay!!
ok, back to maple. lvl 50 soon!
my grandma's discharged! yay!
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
sigh. i haven't study finish. pls, let me finish...!
love. suppose to be a nice and romantic thing. things should not be so complicated. so many thoughts. considerations. haha. come on, that's not me. and i know it. why torture myself? so silly of me. i believe, there's another carefree soul out there just for me. free of burdens, responsibilities, just love. between us. impossible? perhaps, but, there is that free soul out there. i have faith. =)
ok. mz. hiaz. quite helpless towards this. and the rare times i feel helpless. sianz. i hope that things turn out fine for him.
ok, studies. hiaz. jia you!!! =)
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
thanks for jh and jm for treating us to crystal jade today! had a nice lunch! and i think i was late. haha... hmm, the hot and spicy stuff looks nice... gonna go back and try again i think... hiaz, yoke was not with us today, then quite sianz... cos, it'll be nice if a whole grp of us is eating!!
i hope my grandma's alright. hiaz, it seems as though she can just lie in bed and rest. really hope she'll be fine... pls do...
i think there's something seriously wrong with me. and the thing is, i don't know what's wrong. i think it's called a pleatu. and, perhaps, yeah, tired i guess. that's the only reason i can think of. ok lor, see how. don't really wanna bother anymore.
well, today, crapped quite abit... haha... die! must study soon!!!