Wednesday, October 27, 2004

mrs tan

just came back from a day of consultation in sch... haha, it was quite fun, esp. with mrs tan... she treated me and zhao xiu to lunch at venetia.... it was quite fun... we were discussing gp stuff... i think mrs tan is a cool mom and everything... she believes that her children must be happy no matter what... that's kind of cool, happiness on to of every other thing... it's nice that she has such a close relationship with her children... we knew more abt her among the gp stuff... i'm so gonna miss her!! hiaz... i hope i can do well for gp... don't wanna disappoint her and myself... i must try to do my best!!!

hee~!! anyway, i think that i must really start to mug, which i can... haha, soon....

Monday, October 25, 2004


i feel quite shoik today!! i managed to finish studying albee, sorta, just finishing my much awaited notes!! yeah!! i went running too!! finally!! after 9 days!! yeah!! haha...

i just wanna disicpline myself for this week... i must... yeah, went to eat indian rojak with my sis this afternoon, and went shopping at popular... bought new pens!! haha, i have a lot now... waste money, but... yeah...

that's all...

Sunday, October 24, 2004


hey... i'm back again... haha, didn't do much today... what's new?? anyway, complaining isn't my intention today... yeah...

last friday, i unwittingly announced my intense dislike for someone... i think that certain someone will hear of it soon... it's alright. i don't really care, cos i'm just like that... anyway, why do i keep shooting off my big, fat mouth without thinking... it's quite funny... i just hope that my words will not create any animosity for the people around us... hiaz... so sianz... why is life so complicating? i like things simple...

i won 2 cds this week!! robbie williams greatest hits from perfect 10, and this power 98 cd, not sure what is it... haha, anyway, i feel great abt it... so lucky!! if only i'm that lucky during exams!!

here's brian mcfadden new song, real to me... strange, didn't expect him to be quite a success...

Showbiz dinners and the free champagne,
Men in suits who think they know it all,
No one knows me, but they know my name
That's not Real to Me

Hotel Lobby to the aeroplane,
Another country but they start to look the same
Watch the world behind a window pane
That's not real to me

When I see my babies run,
When all the madness has been and gone,
I raise my family and live in peace,
Now that's what real to me, real to me

Dying flowers in a dressing room,
A dangerous time to let your head make up it own mind,
Got me thinking that the spirits flown,
That's not real to me

When I see my babies run,
When all the madness has been and gone,
I raise my family and live in peace,
Now that's what real to me, real to me

Picnics in the garden, and the children they can play
The first day of that summer,
And I laze here all the day,
Then we'll invite the family round and drink some English tea
Then I raise up my finger,
And watch football on T.V.
Now that's what real to me

When I see my babies run,
When all the madness has been and gone,
I raise my family and live in peace,
Now that's what's real to me, that's what's real to me
Real to me

Wake up you might be dreamin'
Wake up you might be dreamin' now

Saturday, October 23, 2004

cos it just doesn't matter...

here i am... have been procastinating regarding my blog... haha... it's just it's so nice to play neopets... haha, yeah... oh, i've just watched the prince and me... on monday, i was watching bourne supremacy... haha... nice life right?? hmm... bourne supremacy, i just wanna say that i wish i catch it on the big screen... the prince and me... hmm, after watching it, it made me realise a lot, and i mean, a lot of things... just realise how stupid am i...

to u: i guess, it all boils down to whether i really wanted u in my life... i did, i know, cos i couldn't let go, always finding some stupid excuse to msg u, call u... r u dense? or am i stupid? i guess it's the latter... u can't get my hints... i try so hard... did u?? u just confuse me with ur presence?? what's the point?? why are u torturing me?? shit u.... u'll see, cos i didn't tell u straight, does it mean i didn't care for u enough? then, why am i holding on? i have no guts... that's true?? however, u'll see, all these doesn't matter in the end... it's because nobody, nobody will remember because no effort was taken... so, should i hate u?? i should not, cos, nobody will care... it really doesn't matter...

to another u: i thought u like me... so, i tried to communicate... but then, u don't seem to respond... i don't think i was wrong, so, it's all in my imagination... i'm just glad that things did not blow up, yes, and shit u... u'll see, all these doesn't matter, cos, nobody will know what happen, nobody will see what happens, cos, u'll see, nobody did anything... life's so funny right?

why the response?? cos, in the prince and me, julia stiles went to denmark to search for eddie, cos she really love him, not caring that her dreams of becoming a doc is gone, that kind of thing... that's love... crushes are so stupid, they don't amount to anything... and, i realise, if u really like/love a certain someone, u will go and make sure that the person is yours... if there's no response, it just means that that someone is so pathetic that he doesn't wanna say anything or just that he doesn't care enough... yeah, maybe it's the same case for me... cos, in the end, it really doesn't mean anything... just stupid memories... yeah... life's funny, it always is... swearing off love....

haha, bitching session is good... yeah, i haven't study much... gonna die real soon... hiaz, hafta study!!!

Thursday, October 21, 2004

family issues

hey... it's been a long while... hiaz, the "A"s are coming and i haven't really study yet!! yeah, it's kind of irritating... i was really in a panic yesterday and couldn't breathe properly, then i went to check on the timetable, and i relaxed... haha, self comforting is such a nice thing...

sometimes, i just hate my mom... she's bias, yes and i think sometimes very selfish... she likes to accuse me of doing some stupid things on net, like chatting, surfing stuff, reading blog and such... she doesn't understand why people my age do these stuff... and how am i gonna make her understand? she likes to rant and rave at me... whateva, i can totally wipe out whateva she says, i just wish she doesn't say it so much, cos she's just wasting her breath... and she likes to give black faces... which is so stupid, cos i just don't bother and care... how to get her to understand? she's real funny sometimes, thinking that she's the only person suffering in the entire household... u know what, whateva, i wish she just stop to think sometimes... the family has to tread lightly in case we trigger her anger... isn't that selfish? we try so hard and she gets angry... maybe it's because of the medicine she's taking to treat her typhoid that has messed up her hormones... we have to understand, but there's definitely a limit...

k, i'm quite disturbed by all these... cos, i'm like that... yeah, i went with my maternal grandma for her doc's appointment on tuesday... i'm quite worried for her as the metal in her leg has gotten a little loose, which in fact, will inhibit her walking... hopefully, the calcium medicine she is taking will help her strengthen her bones... u know, sometimes, it's nice to talk to the older folks... i've always been quite close to my grandma, but due to studies, i have not been talking to her often... sometimes, they give u a different perspective to certain things, it's quite interesting and refreshing... i love my grandma...

yeah, family issues...

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

hmm... my tuition fren, she often asks me when's tuition... haha, i know she misses me... hey, yifen!! don't grow too tall!!  Posted by Hello

hey, mark lo!! he sure is tall... haha, he's quite nice, and helpful... think he's gonna miss us!! Posted by Hello

oh... yokez!! one of my bestest fren in nj!! i like the look of her like this... hmm... her photo is very precious, cos she only took with me after much persuasion!! haha... she looks cute!! Posted by Hello

oh, xiuz!! the first classmate that i spoke to!! haha, we had a tough journey... i really appreciate her presence, for putting up with me and such... really apprecitate it... Posted by Hello

this was the first photo take after the graduation ceremony... my sec sch one suxs, this one suxs even more... nevertheless, it was kind of nice of the teachers to do it, even though, there's no sense of loss... yeah. Posted by Hello

the day started off with the yep pioneers of njc standing at the podium in front of the sea of greys... it was quite funny!! haha... will miss it... quite fun!! Posted by Hello

Sunday, October 17, 2004


okie... confession time... haven't been typing because i was too lazy... playing too much games on the internet is part of it too... haha... ok, this is dedicated to a certain someone who will not read... whateva lar... just need to get it off my mind... here goes...

i'm glad

i'm glad, u make me see
the impossible, yet to near
for me to realise, that
u r not whom u seem

i'm glad, it took me 6 years
to finally see the light
even though, i should have seen
it earlier, stupid me...

i'm glad, u say what u want
i want to wish u all the best
it's hard, but i felt nothing when
i message back...

i'm glad, i can feel it now...
the mild anger and the frustrations
over the 6 years. is it worth?
all the second-guessing

i'm glad, it's still not too late
not to make a fool out of myself
wishing for something that should never be
u make me see

i hate u. do i?

haha, i guess it really says it all... it's just that sometimes, people do not wish to face up to the truth... denial is always a great route for escapism... whateva...

i like mr whitby!! have i said it many times?? i'm so gonna miss him... one of the few things i'll miss in nj... hiaz... tmr's officially the last day of sch... i'm graduating from the days of wearing uniform, canteen food... all that goes along with it... haiz, the dread "A"s are coming... i hafta start studying...

selfish people - i really hate them... why some people just can't see themselves like that? they think they are the best yet fail to accept people who is able to think from both sides? is it my fault... luckily, i'm clear-headed enough to see that... otherwise, i will suffer from being just by u... disgusting behaviour... yeah...

ok, this i rather disorganised... yeah, sorryz...

Thursday, October 14, 2004

sudden urge...

i just realise that i have the capacity to laugh and make the others around me laugh so widely... haha, esp my family members... i don't know why... natural talent i guess *grinz*

hehe, fruits eating was a nice affair, with my laughing and the tears to my eyes... my sis, she sometimes says things so suddenly that i am so caught off guard... she told my mum that some people think that i'm selfish in a certain context... then, my mum was like, u r so outspoken and frank that people might think u in that way... i was llike, hey, i'm not... hmm... i'm so glad for close frens who firmly believes in me that i don't need outsiders or rather irritants to determine myself... yeah, screw them... yeha!

i was just thinking about consultation with mr whitby... he was asking whether we condone or approve of the character... as usual, i try to act smart... i thought condone=condemn... haha, made a fool out of myself... anyway, i was quite embarrassed, so didn't talk much after that... i'm like that lar... really can't stand it when i'm being made a fool of... even if it's my own fault... haha, i'm fine with now... meeting mr whitby tmr for consultation too...!

i was having diarhoea during dinner.... the pain was so excrutiatingly painful that i couldn't help but proclaim, "oh my god! how am i gonna give birth in the future?" yeah, i'm weird... haha... my hist teacher in sec sch once told us that the pain of giving birth is 50 times the pain of a hamstring pull... wow, i guess stomachache is only about one-tenth of a hamstring pull, so, my gosh, it's damn painful!!

haha, chatting with yoke now... i'm glad we share the same dislike for a person... haha, screw that person... whateva... yoke, i'm always with u, even if u r sianz now...

yeah, sis, must learn to take things easy...

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

sky captain and the world of tomorrow

finally... i get the chance to use the computer... my twin sis has been hogging the computer for the whole night!! haha. can't blame her... she's been trying real hard to set up her blog... kudos to her determination... yar, and by the way, she's still in the process of setting it up... hee!!

it's been days since i last blogged... haha, i've been feeling real tired, thus, there was a lack of mood to blog... anyway, yar... hmm, went to watch sky captain and the world of tomorrow with joanne... when i got off the bus at orchard, i saw two farmiliar figures... surprise surprise... it's my aunt and twin sis... haha, i guess jo was quite shocked as my aunt kept telling me, "u better don't play... go and study..." yar, that kind of thing... jo wanted to collect her sim card, and ended up paying for my bus fare to suntec city... thanks dear, although think she was influenced by my aunt's looks... hee!!

yeah, we ate kenny rogers... the first time there for me... it was nice... must visit there again... haha... then, we ate ice-cream from mac... sundae, one of my favs... then, we walked ard suntec for quite a long time before we went to watch the movie... haha, it was a nice movie... there was this mystical feel, and i was lured by the romantic though a little cheesy dialogue between the characters... the setting was very romantic, so it was very nice and easy to the eye... didn't like the sound effects though. it was a bit too loud... haha, as it was a premiere, we saw adrain pang and his family, steph song( don't like her), ann poh (wow, she really has big boobs) and some others... they are from channel u... yeah... in the end, me and jo didn't cared but just stared cos we are wearing nj u... hee!!

yeah, yesterday, was quite a boring day, having boring lessons... haha, as usual... hmm, ms ng didn't come sch yesterday... it was quite a downer... i really like her lessons... haha, anyway, she turned up today, looking quite sick though, must take care... yeah!

today was quite a fun day... yan rong wanted to film a video of our class and the teachers... it was quite fun, going around looking for the teachers to say nice stuff about our class... haha, yeah, and ms sharon phua is so adamant abt us filming her... actually, underneath her hard deamnour, she's quite fun... when she saw the video we have taken of other teachers, she laughed at the video clips like a little girl, rather like ms ng... we were taken aback by her sudden "niceness", u know, as in not angry, with the black face all the time... haha... yeah, it was nice...

hiaz, today's last day of the sch with the principal's farewell as the official closure of the j2's life on monday... i'm feeling rather bland and neutral abt the last day of sch... maybe my feelings will intensify during the farewell speech... haha, shall write more then...

it's kind of sucky, having to go back to sch... my study timetable is rather hard to plan, but it's all from my own doing... haha... it's alright lar... yeah, for my own good...

hey yoke, haven't talk to u for a long long long .... time... haha, must catch up soon!!

Sunday, October 10, 2004

3 more weeks...

haha... i'm so proud of my sis... she finally set up her own blog, however, with my help... she didn't admit though, but then, i shall help her proclaim to the whole world... haha... see, i'm so nice, not selfish, as some people think... ok, this is a despicable stab... so yar, ignore me...

actually, i'm quite satisfied today... managed to get some work done despite the handphone playing in between... see, i'm so pathetic that i have to resort to handphone playing to keep myself amused... haha... gonna watch movie with jo tomorrow... yeah, i can't wait... haha...

oh, yoke, i hope u managed to get your source-based done to ur utmost best in between all the snacking... haha, at least u have nice stuff to eat... hee!! we are so pathetic!!

my dad's bday just past, bought a belated present for him and my mum... haha, hope he likes it... it's just some nice and expensive cake...

hiaz, one week have past... three more weeks to the "A"s... how exciting... yeah, and i haven't done my pinter essay... i was just thinking about the business world again, yeah, i keep thinking about it... i wanna conquer it, it's my dream, haha... yar... it's so competitve... i love it... nevertheless, behind all the back-stabbing is just pure human kindness which they businessmen managed to hide... there's a need, i guess... but it's all so unfeeling... everyone's almost like that... haha.... so nice...


Saturday, October 09, 2004

saturday blues...

i feel so useless... for the whole day, i just did some pathetic maths... that's all!! i feel so disgusted with myself... hiaz, better start doing cos i have so much to do... hiaz, whateva... i heard that AC maths paper was difficult... i was ready to face the challenge... and i regretted taking up the challenge... i think the maths department in that sch is mad... haha...

yoke is so funny... every saturday, without fail, she will msg me to tell me she's so SIANZ... haha, it's the same for me every saturday... i feel so larthargic, just don't feel like doing anything... hee!!

i was reading abt this time mag which was months ago about divorce rates hitting a sky-high rate in asia... this set me thinking that women's role in society is evolving at such a fast rate that the poor men can't cope with it... haha, that's just their problem... women are getting divorces much more than the men initiating it... come to think of it, there's pros and cons... i mean, women are now on equal status with men BUT it sorta gives us the liberty to do what u want, given the connotations associated with us... for eg, we must be given our way and stuff, cos we are supposedly the weaker sex... haha, poor men... then, there's this social stigma, stated by the article, esp in the developing countries... women's right's are still at it's developing stage in india, thus, any women who had a divorce will be seriously ostracized by the family and society... i guess it all has to do with the social mindset in that country... it's kind of sad, i feel, that women who dares to stand up are not treated with respect but with dirt... i hope the situation can change to suit both sexes just fine... that's the paradox of it... men don't wish for women to be strong because it's a pride thing, but then, they also love women who can take care of themselves, for the case of singapore... haha...

went running today... i think my stamina is detoriating... i ran faster, but with the same timing... i must run more... hiaz, i hope the "A"s will be over soon... to my horrors, the "O"s end one week earlier, how shit can that be?? haha, life's cute...

oh, just bought a cd at $15.99... how cheap can that be?! yeah, it's leann rimes greatest hits, had been wanting to buy a long time... haha, great bargain... oh, and s&k has so much new stuff... i hope they have a sale soon!! haha... thinking of non-"A"s stuff...

so, here's a song from the album... it teaches us to hold on and we'll make it... yeah!!

We Can
They'll try to stop the dream we're dreamin'

But they can't stop us from believing
They will fill your head with doubt
But that won't stop us now
So let them say we can't do it
Put up a road block
We'll just run right through it.. Cause...

We can, do the impossible

We have the power in our hands
And we won't stop 'cause we've got
To make a difference in this life
With one voice, one heart, two hands, we can

They say the odds are stacked against us
But that can't hold us back, we will be relentless
There's a voice they're gonna hear
A voice so loud and clear
So let them say we can't do it, give us a mountain,
and we're gonna move it.. cause..


We're gonna make a change today (make a change today)
Because we've got the faith it takes
To win this race, so let them say we can't do it
Put up a road block
And we'll just run right through it cuz..

I can (oh I can)
Do the impossible (do the impossible)
I have the power in my hands, and I won't stop
Cause I've got to make a difference in this life
With my one voice, one heart, two hands, we can

Thursday, October 07, 2004

white chicks

haha... i'm toking to yoke on msn, then, it's like we are baring our souls out... that's good, cos it clears the air... i'm glad!!

yesterday was a damn freaking tired day... i couldn't really concentrate cos i was up late doing some stuff... and, i forgot what... haha... yesterday was just a whirlwind...

went to sch at 9 in the morning for consultation with ms chua and mrs tan... i'm so sad, i didn't prepare for ms chua, so, i was kinda listening to zhao xiu... haha, i promise to revise first for next week's consultation... mrs tan was so intense during compre lesson... never seen this side of her... i guess, it's time to be serious cos there's other classes too... "A" s are coming... sianz...

then, i met my sis to watch white chicks!! it was damn hiliarious!! it's a must-watch!! if u think it's a wastage of money, change ur mind!! cos it will make u laugh like shit!! yeah!! then, i was so hungry... we were eating popcorn... as usual, my sis luvs popcorn, she finished all of it... haha! i don't know why but i kept smelling this vomit smell... strange...

hiaz, i guess appearance and reality can make a big difference in our lives... ultimately, it's who u trust most that matters... i'm really fortunate to have a few real close frens in school whom i can trust... as for the rest, screw them as well as they like me to be screwed... really, heck care... and that, whom u thought were real were not... it's hurting? well, it's not, so i guess, i really, don't, have any thing against or for them, just a hint of dislike... well, just 3 days, i don't have to see them!! yeah!!

haha... shall go read yoke's blog... yeah... and, i luv my sis, yoke, peishan... yeah!!

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

life's strange

have u ever had the feeling of typing something real uplifting and fun, then, when u read others blog, ur nice mood just disappears into the air...? hiaz, it's okie, i'm quite adjustable... haha... yar, i'm in a "high" mood now!!

final prelims results: maths - B
history - B
econs - D
literature - D
as i was telling my friends, the results are rather unexpected... i'm afraid of not being able to do well... well, i guess that's on everyone's mind... getting the good results for prelims is vital, but it just makes me more afraid, so, i'm quite fine with my results... i'm so frustrated about lit!!i can't seem to improve except for mr whitby's paper!! oh, i like him!! initially, i wanted to give up lit, but then, when i saw such a big improvement for his paper, i've decided to work hard for lit!! i can, i can!! haha, lamez....

there's like so many things to do, yet so little time... i know, i know, we like to say that there's time, it's just how one uses it... i beg to differ, there's really no time... i don't really know what to do.... homework or study?? wow, great choice... hiaz, i don't even know how to start revision...
meeting alota teachers, hopefully, there's a marked improvement in my results!!

hiaz, i guess, alright, i don't really like to say that people don't understand me, it seems like i'm different from everyone else... well, everyone's different, that's undeniable... nevertheless, i feel that if a person tries hard enough to understand u, it means that the person cares, but if the person doesn't care but she understands u... there's a paradox... i think everything lies with me, i'm not the most easy person to get along with, but then, i really appreciate those who can and try to do so.... i'm thankful for all of u... it's just that i find it hard to open up and perhaps, we have different principles... however, is there a need to forget and just leave it?? i don't know... i'm so contradictory... hiaz...

oh, i oso wanna congraulate my friends, hui qi, zhao xiu who did very well for prelims... even though, i say u guys are bian4 tai4, it's a form of endearment... haha, luv ya guys...

hey, yoke: i sorta disagree with u... it really depends on who u wanna type for, well, for me, i believe that it's MY blog, so, those who disagree, u know, it doesn't matter... i shall type what i want... i guess, it really depends...

here's ashlee simpson's new song, will buy the cd if not for only 12 pathetic songs...

ashlee simpson - shadow

I was six years old
When my parents ran away
I was stuck inside a broken life
I couldn't wish away
She was beautiful
She had everything and more
And my escape was hiding out and running for the door

Somebody listen please
It used to be so hard being me

Living in the shadow
Of someone else's dream
Trying to find a hand to hold but every touch felt cold to me
Living in a nightmare
A never-ending sleep
But now that I am wide awake
My chains are finally free
Don't feel sorry for me

All the days collided
One less perfect than the next
I was stuck inside someone else's life and always second best
Oh, I love you now 'cause now I realize
That it's safe outside to come alive in my identity

So if you're listening
There's so much more to me you haven't seen
Living in the shadow
Of someone else's dream
Trying to find a hand to hold but every touch felt cold to me
Living in a nightmare
A never-ending sleep
But now that I am wide awake
Then I can finally be
Don't feel sorry-

Mother, sister, father, sister, mother
Everything's cool now
Mother, sister, father, sister, mother
Everything's cool now
Oh, my life is good
I've got more than anyone should
Oh, my life is good
And the past in the past

I was living in the shadow
Of someone else's dream
Trying to find a hand to hold but every touch felt cold to me
I'm living in a new day
I'm living it for me
And now that I am wide awake
Then I can finally be
Don't feel sorry for me
Don't feel sorry, don't feel sorry for me

Living in, living in, living in the shadow
Living in, living in, living in a new day

Saturday, October 02, 2004

fun day

haha... yoke msg me with a bombardment of smses... i couldn't reply fast enough... not my fault!! she cheated!! she used the free sms thingy which requires normal typing!! haha!! so nice, u r always eating nice food!! oh, i like pandas too, but i'm cuter!! *puke* hee!! lamer!!

haha, i feel better today... it has part to do with econs tuition... i really miss the place... in addition, it's kind of nice to get any form of assurance from the teacher (whether false or true)... haha... there's so many people today!! met some primary sch frens... kind of nice!! hiaz, also had a nice talk with hwee min... hey dear, i know u r not reading this, but then, it's nice to have the necessary amt of stress, but then, don't let it overwhelm u... it's not worth it... everyone has their own strengths... studies that are good are weak in other areas... so, cheer up!! and don't think too much!! yar, most imptantly, don't evolve to me... not nice, yar?? haha!!

oh, i forgot to mention that i went venetia(i think it's spelt like that) and had ice-cream!! it's nice!! i ate belgium chocolate and cuppicino... it's not bad... must visit it soon!! i'm such an eater!! haha!!

i'm feeling quite scared... what if i can't meet my own expectations for "A"s... hiaz... life's like that... yar, i think there's no point in disliking someone cos u wouldn't let that someone know... so, really, no point!! haha, crapping!!

yeah!! life's good... oh, i went running!! yeah!! good!!

Friday, October 01, 2004


hiaz, heard bad news all day long today... so this blog is gonna dedicate to my frens... before that, i'll just wanna say... hiaz, been feeling the things i don't wanna feel... but it's all coming back again... i can blame no one... hiaz... friendship... it's always like that... i'm retreating back into the shell that i came out of... i'm half way there... just need a push... yeah!! hiaz...

to pei shan: i need u dearie... u are always the one who will listen to me and take the initiative to help me and be there for me... i can't let u break down. u hear me?? because i believe in u and i know u too... it's just once, cos, u have always done it!! i need u.... we'll help one another...

to lay pheng: hiaz, there are always people like that... take it in ur stride... cos, eventually, think of it practically, u don't need them and u know it... just believe in urself and the people ard u... i like talking to u!! it's very honest!! take care, yar??

to jan: i don't know the exact details or anything... hey, i just know that u know u can... prelims is not everything, and u know it... a moment of weakness can be overcome!! hang in there!! just call any of us... k?? luv ya, take care... in the end, we'll make it...

to yoke hing: thanks for being my fren...

to faith: hey, thanks for always taking the initiative to care for me... i really appreciate it!! have faith dear!! u can!!

finally, to me: always the optimist... the world needs people like that...