day two

woke up at abt 7... didn't know that people wake up so damn early in the hospital... might as well, i can't sleep anyway... went to take a bath.... after my bath, somebody said that i was to get ready for "collection"... haha... i was quite surprised, as the operation was scheduled at 10 plus 11... then, i got dressed into this surgical gown, which was just a cloth, with strings at the back to tie it together... quite the bare... haha... anyway, the nurse collected my wallet for safekeeping... so, i just waited for the time to arrive...

at abt 830a.m, the orderly came to push me to the operating theatre... i had put on nail polish, then the nurse gave me a solution to remove it... this calmed me down quite a bit, as i had something to do, despite lying on the bed... then they pushed me into the theatre... at that time, the anethetist has to inject me with something... put me on a drip and stuff... the anethetist cost abt $2000 odd... yet, he can inject properly, resulting in me having a lot of needles poking in and out of my wrist many times... and i thought doctors are gentle... my foot... so, i was there, waiting and waiting for the operation to start...

my dad was outside, waiting to see me.. luckily, i was quite nervous, at that time, my stomach, all tensed and mixed up... he told me to be brave... well, that didn't calm me either... haha...

before me, there's a patient too... i think he woke up immediately after the operation, as i heard the doctors and nurses asking him to stay down and that his mom is outside... quite accurate siaz, the anethetist... then, it's my turn...

they pushed me to where they would operate me, lifting me to this narrow bed... there, the anethetist tried one more time to push the damn needle into me.... he succeeded... he asked me to breathe into this oxygen thing.... telling me to breathe through my nose, as the operation is done on my mouth.... then, i was dead to the world.... bye...

when i woke up, i was at the hospital bed... i saw many people looking at me.... my sisters, dad, aunties, uncle and cousin... i was touched.... i heard that my operation took 7 hrs... it must have been quite late le, abt 8 plus, 9... i saw them, wave, and slept again, till the next morning.... haha... felt some pain, was given an injection, and just slept... the only thing i remember was: breathe through the nose, breathe through the nose... then, i just keep breathing through the nose, and sleep... so, long, for the next day...

day one

it's been almost a week and 2 days since my op... i feel much better.... gonna recount my experience... on the day i was admitted, i was alone at home, before going to the hospital to meet my dad there... the thing is, i was terrified... i felt that something was in my mouth constantly, that i had to take it out... it's like the saying that fear has leapt to be my faith... that kind of thing... why was i so frightened?? i thought i would die, ya know... it's a common fear... come to think of it, i was being stupid... to comfort myself, i just thought that if God wants me to perish, i would, no point in worrying.... i cried before i left the house... most prob, it's the thought of going alone that set me off...

at the hospital, it was the usual procedures... the admission and waiting for the doctors to come by... since i'm underage and can't sign the form, my dad has to be there to sign it for me... hence, we began a 2 hr wait for the doc to come... i have 3 docs doing my op.... the first one came, the 2nd I/C i think... docs are so big... just come when they want... ok, i'm truly grateful for the doc for operating on me so well, but ya know, i really don't have any affinity with docs, just don't like them at all... so, they were supposed to be inserting 2 plates in me... kind of sianz, haha, foreign objects in my mouth and all for life.... my greatest worry was whether it would come lose or something... luckily, the doc says if i don't do anything to face, they would stay there... that's a great comfort....

when all the docs have come and go... i went to take a bath before having dinner... my dad left soon after... my dinner was quite alright. typical hospital food... but thinking abt it, kind of sad that my last dinner before my op was kind of just stewed black sauce duck meat with hard boiled egg and this vegetables, name unknown to me.... then, i just stayed in the hospital bed the whole time... it was the most boring time of my life!!! i had nothing to do at all... i bought a book to read... alas, the book is pretty boring... the narrative form, going on and on... the interesting thing is probably the language, the london, down-end kind... so, started reading to stay calm...

cos, i was working myself right into a panic... it is easy for us to say it will be over, u look pretty and all after that... but the nerves before that, it's just so painful... felt it everywhere... esp. in my stomach... it was quite a night.... in a B2 ward, so it was quite hot, so difficult to sleep... then i saw this old lady, who i think had one of legs amputated... she's so poor thing, making weird noises... this got me thinking... she can survive her op, and she's so poor thing and all, docs coming to see her, where she is so brave... i have nothing to worry at all... so, that calm me down to the point of completion... it's quite diff to sleep, with the strange environment and noises, i managed to, but kept waking up... sianz arh...

so, this is what happened on the first day of my admission... mainly, alota fear inside me and boredom... will include my op in the next entry... take care....

post op....

I am back from my operation. Many things have happened, most noticably, the murder of the china woman, the nude blogger picture and many others. This entry will be hazy, because I'm still in pain. Yupz, I feel like typing my whole "ordeal" but simply don't have the energy... I will do i another day... What I can say is: been drinking gross milk for the past few days and many more days ahead.... sianz.... but no choice... hope to lose weight, but at what cost?? ok, i think this is enough, i feel heavy.... and pain throbbing....

lastly, thanks for all the msgs.... yoke... huiqi & hwee min.... thanks for the restless days in the hospital... thanks so much...

to my dear daddy: it would not be soothing without u... u make it more bearable... i hope i'm brave enough.....

all who have visited me.... my family, extended family, thank you for putting up with my whims and fancies.... sorry to cause so much trouble....

ok, shall write more next time, can't make it le....

op day soon

today is an emotional day for me.... many of u guys know that i'm going for the operation soon.... i've been feeling the collywobbles in me for quite sometime.... it's ok... it'll be over soon... just have to bear with the pain!!! i can!!! so far, i've not told many people the date of my op... i've my reasons.... firstly, i know many of u are concerned and want to visit me... ur concern is greatly appreciated... i understand, but i wish for this to be private, in the sense i'm not really visitable material.... in addition, i'm quite a private person, as many know.... no matter what, i apprecitate ur concern very very much.... esp, many who asked me many times to tell them the op date....

*DEDICATIONS*

mom & dad: thank you for supporting me all the way.... yupz.... u know i'm scared, yet try to comfort me.... telling me it's ok... now, i know, it will be ok... thank you for being there....

sis-wii: many words, hard to say... the biggest supporter, i know, and i love u for being so supportive... know, u are waiting for me to take lots of pics~!!! i will get well soon!!

sis-ynn: pls listen in lectures... luv ya too... waiting for ur visit...

grandma: thanks for brewing good soup for me.... i love u so so much~!!!

hui qi/ hwee min: thanks guys for always being there, with me during my crucial moments.... i really appreciate it... we've lasted for 4 years, with many to go.... u guys always remember the little things, which i'm truly grateful for.... thanks for yesterday, and well, if u wanna come visit me, thanks... but truly, it's ok...

pei shan: hey!!! sorry for not telling u the op date.... no need to trouble u lar..... as i said, i can't talk yar, then u cannot chat with me... haha.... will call yar, after my op... keep me updated~!!!!

geraldine: yo~!! how time flies!!! really miss the times we chat for so long.... glad that our frenship is still strong.... looking forward to meeting u in sch soon!!!!!! thanks for being so supportive!!!!

jo: yoz~! really glad to be so "on" with u... really miss the times we have fun, talk like crazy.... yar, plus that u always want to visit me.... thanks a lot.... but it's ok!!!! shall msg u after my op!!! by then, hopefully, can yak along with u too!!!! take care~!

layz: yoz~!!! my msn constant chatting companion!!! haha... yar, know that u always want to visit me.... i apprecitate it, u know, but it's alright!! thanks~!!! cya in school too~!!!! hopefully, we can get to that shopping trip~!!!!

wonderful thanks too, to all who knows me, i really really appreciate it, and i will be back soon!! take care, yar.....

cert

today is a nice and funny day. it started off funny... haha... ok... haha.... i went to sph toa payoh news centre to search for some invoices.... i was wearing heels today, hence, the need to sorta not over-exert it as my leg will feel tired later... so, i took off my heels and walked bare-footed in the room.... it may sound weird and stupid, but the thing is, there is usually, no one at all in the office.... nevertheless, i got a big shock, when i heard a Hi~! it was my boss's boss's boss.... yupz~! i was mortified!!! hiding a sheepish grin, i went to put on my heels... in my mind, i was thinking: it's my last day, and such an embarrassing thing has to happen... but, it's funny, to me... hee~!!

then, i headed by to the office after getting what i was after... it was the usual stuff happening, except that i had to brief eddie, the nus intern, abt stuff i was doing, as he was taking over me.... after the usual last minute rush, we headed to lunch... my boss's boss is treating me~!! we went to spritz pizza place, something like that... it was damn nice~!!! i must go there again... maybe to treat my family members... as the 3 adults were talking, me and eddie were talking... it was quite funny, to find that he wanted to be a lawyer because of john grisham.... like me~!!! it was a revelation, to find someone who has the same aspirations... haha, but he's studying biz now.... so it was a nice lunch.... pizza and lagsna.... yupz~!

after that, i was running a bit late... i was supposed to collect my cert from nj, meeting the usual gang there, jo, bi quan and xiu wen.... it was nice, seeing everyone after such a long time.... wow, xiuz, great hair~!!! after the collection of the cert, we went to the coffee club at paragon... we sat there and chatted for abt an hr plus.... we had many refills of glasses of water that the waiter must be sick of going to our table... haha.... i think there's not much changes to everyone, except we are dressing up a bit.... i find that i've mellowed, being more patient and willing to listen.... it doesn't take that much an effort as before... perhaps, we are not studying that is the factor? no matter what, i'm thankful to the frenship in jc.... haha.... looking forward to more happy times at ntu~!!! cya guys there~!!!!!

met my sis afterwards to go to the pasar malam for dinner.... had a nice dinner, and bought toys for my new cousin~!! yupz.... have many feelings now, gonna blog it next time.... so long....

Friends, my foot

I guess you made yourself clear when I spoke to you on the phone just now.

My heart felt like it's being squeezed dry.

It's just a passing phase.

I will get over it.

I have.

Your Expression Number is 11

You tend to be associated with idealistic concepts and spiritual issues.You have high potentials that are somewhat difficult to live up to.You have very strong intuition and you can be a bit psychic at times. Highly inspirational, you can lead merely by your own example.You have an inborn inner strength and awareness that helps you advise others.Although you have what it takes for a successful career, you belong outside the business world. Overly sensitive and temperamental, you tend to have a lot of nervous tension.You dream a lot, so much so that you may be more of a dreamer than a doer.Fantasy and reality tend to get intermingled for you, and that leads to impracticality.

What's" Your Expression Number?

anyday deary day...

work is nice but lunch time is not... hiaz, often, i buy biscuits back into the office for lunch... sometimes, i go with my aunt for lunch.... but, most of the time, i just lunch alone... why?? hmm... i don't really wanna join my boss as she is with her colleagues, and it feels like i'm intefering.... anyway, she's treating me lunch this friday because i'm going on medical leave soon.... yay!!!! anyway, back to what i was saying... the intern ask me to join his group of colleagues for lunch, but i declined... why?? i prefer to have a moment of peace for myself?? don't really know, but just that i don't feel like having/making polite conversation.... sianz.... anyway, gonna stop working soon....

work=$ which also = to super boring/sianz... i can't bear to go to work everyday... i wonder how the bosses do it... it'll be my turn soon... so, i have to wait and see...

tomorrow is my second time of astrogolous blood transfusion... yay... can miss work in the morning... ok, i sound really desperate not to work... crapz... i just need a rest, one whole beautiful week.... i can have it soon!! sometimes, i really wonder, why is life such a bitch?

hiaz... nowadays, at home, my dad is always bad-tempered... we must understand, cos, he has just been retrenched.... nevertheless, he has a job now... albeit the pay is lower.... we don't even mind, just that, it's free-lancing, where work=$ and no work=no $... don't understand why he has to be bad-tempered... i mean, i can understand that he's worried for the future, and that he is tired because of working and having no rest... what i can't understand is why can't he be thankful for what he has... like a job, despite being retrenched... at least he has constant pay... why take it out on the family?? it's very unreasonable... i wonder how my mum can stand it.... poor mum, sometimes, she just tolerates... i hate it.... i can't argue back, not that i can't but i don't want to.... no point really.... he just barks back literally... i really hope he can snap out of it and stop being like that.... everyone will turn against him sooner or later..... if he carries on... hope that he has some sense to think sensibly...

hiaz... what a great relief to let it all out.... anyway, the next entry will be to my loved ones....

pissed

i've tried, and
i'm tired.
giving up is inevitable.

u r unreasonable,
i don't want to give up, but
u have not see sense.

u r selfish,
u say u r not, but
it often takes another to see.

why do i bother?
i want u to improve, but
u r too obsessed with yourself.

no one is perfect, less me.
but, i believe i can help.
too bad, u don't want any.

this is the last straw.
u r too indulgent in yourself.
i shall give up.

isn't it better?
less quarrels, less disagreements.
for me, it means nothing.

BUT, u will have to learn yourself,
a lesson even if it means u fall.
i hope, i shall not see,

what is coming.
but, i believe
u have hope.

just pray, i will.

a wonderful day

today is a nice and calm day for me. in the morning, i woke up at the glorious hour of 9... this may seem like such a minute luxury, but to me, it is a very rare necessity. i have only two days a week to wake up late, which is thursday and sunday, where thrusday, i'm teaching tuition and sunday, well, it's a sunday... i hate to wake up early, if i don't have to wake up early, i would love and enjoy school... haha, well, i've always hate wake up early, where early means anything before 8.... well, u must be wondering how i managed to drag my fat ass out of bed when i go to school.... haha, the free ride to school manages to motivate me... haha, so there....

went out with my mummy today... she was in england for 3 weeks, and was in love with the thai food near my uncle's place when she was staying there.... hence, i think she was suddenly filled with the desire to eat it... we then went to the siam kitchen at causeway point... wow, we ate green curry chicken, chicken satay, seafood fried rice and red ruby... it was very filling and we were so full!!! after that, i had some time to kill before tuition, so we went to walk walk... haha, bought a blouse at giodarno which was having 50% discount for selected items.... it was quite alright and fun.. first time, the 2 of us were walking at talking... we don't exactly share very close relationships with our parents, so it was quite alright....

haven't been updating for some time... i'm busy with my work and operation which is coming up... work, well, it's been quite stressful lately... been calling debtors and finding stuff... debtors are not the easiest people to deal with... then, have to write letters soon... quite sianz.... sometimes, it's kind of difficult to remind the boss that i'm only 19 and devoided of responsibilities till older.... haha.... it's like that lar.... that's what i always tell people...

the latter, operation... been preparing for it now... went for an autologous blood transfusion on wednesday.... another one next week... it's a process whereby i donate blood to myself incase i need it during the op... donating 2 pints.... scary siaz.... before that, hafta go for blood test, where the nurse was oh so not gentle, filling 3 test-tubes of my blood... so not gentle... i guess, they don't understand the patient's unsettling feelings....

hmm.... many has been asking me the date of my op.... i will answer everything in my next blog entry... thanks for the concern though, i am fully appreciative of it... thanks~!!!!!