Tuesday, August 30, 2005

a bad day


why the declaration? cos, i don't understand what i'm doing in biz law today.... and i think i have a tendency to think slowly... my 2 grp mates were talking without stopping that i don't even have the time to voice my thoughts... well, partly, it's my fault.... was talking heartily to mag... hiaz... what the heck? i think that idiotic guy is so full of himself, only talking to the pretty gal and ignoring me... fine.... think u r so smart.... hiaz.. really had a bad time during biz law... it's the first time that i'm at a loss for words... so, i have to read the textbook soon... hiaz.... really quite scared of biz law... seldom contribute, since i don't even know what i'm doing is right or wrong.... ok, have to really start reading... aargh~! why are some things just so difficult??!!!

econs test.... got 50/100... haha, didn't really study... deserve it lar.... anyway, i think it's too bias to base ability of econs on A levels.... hiaz.... things are always like that....

anyway.... hope tomorrow is better

Monday, August 29, 2005

a very very irreplacable fren

u are the only one so far
who can make me forget all my worries
even if it's for only an hour
i'm grateful for that.

we trade insults
all in the name of fun
even if it's for only 2 hours
i'm grateful for that.

we sms each other
the insults don't come
but rather the thoughtfulness towards each other
even if it's for only half an hour
i'm grateful for that.

u r the one who understands me very well
and perhaps, i have the same understanding for u
i forget, my family, relationship and school problems
i'm grateful for u.

& u r, someone
with the initials MZ.
u r my best fren.
thank you.

Friday, August 26, 2005

maslow's theory of needs

maslow's theory of need: 1)physiological. 2) economic security. 3) love. 4) self-esteem. 5) self-actualisation.

1. it's actually talking abt physical needs, which i have now. so, when u have this, u are suppose to have and crave for the next and so on.

2. for this, i don't like of it. i'm fine right now. financially comfortable. so... yar...

3. yoke keeps saying that i need this... hmm... so elaborate more on it later.

4. well, i have this, i mean, i'm confident of myself most of the time. and i know how to sense the surroundings and such....

5. so far, this is the highest of the hierarchy... i know who i am... though it's like i the hardest to preserve... knowing what u want and being who u are....

this theory is quite extreme, as it seems to suggest how we must go abt with our needs.... it makes sense though... ok, point number 3....

i will be lying if i say it doesn't matter if i can't find that special someone in uni.... it doesn't matter that that someone must be from uni but it's nice to share something with someone... especially, at this age.... it sounds very frivolous, saying this for everyone to see.... what the heck? most of us must be feeling this way...

the thing is, i have almost zero experience in this kind of thing... how do u differentiate between crush and real love/connection.... difference between wanting for peer pressure or just real love/connection? how do u go abt it? how do u meet more ppl? so many questions... & i firmly believe that the more u want it, the more it will not come to u... so i shall leave it to fate... and pray that my heart listens to it...

recently, i've been experience some strange phenomenems in my heart... the thing is, i don't know how to make out of it.... just crush, or the real thing? i've been happy when he's ard, not particularly sad when he's not, but yearns to see him just the same.... most prob, this is one-sided, but hey, feelings are free right? ok, i'm starting to sound like some lovesick idiot.... hiaz... life's confusing.... ok, enough ba..... life still goes on....

love this song....

marion raven- in spite of me

God it was late
i was drunk
you saw me

the one by my side
wasn't you
i'm sorry

and i know right then
that i lost you there
but you took me in

in spite of me
you make me feel invited
nobody else
that is what i decided

selfish and dumb
stupid and young
yeah that's me

but from all the wrongs
you make it right
and forgive me

it's been said before
but i'll try once more
you are the one

in spite of me
you make me feel invited
nobody else
that is what i decided

God it was late
i was drunk
you saw me

the one by my side
he wasn't you
i'm sorry
(you make me feel invited)
i'm sorry

nobody else
that is what i decided

in spite of me you're here

you make me feel invited
nobody else
that is what i decided

in spite of me you're here

in spite of me

Wednesday, August 24, 2005


i've something to complain.... it's abt this bitch of a coursemate~!!! aargh~!!! it happened in OB, where i was standing up, trying to escape from my chair... this gal (i shall not name, she might read it, though it's quite unlikely, but as i've learnt in biz law, nothing is impossible to sue abt)... anyway, she put the flap of her table up and it caught my fourth left finger, where a piece of skin was scraped and fell off... the thing is, i react instantly, where i shook my hand vigourously to get the pain away... it's obvious she had caused harm to me without intent... the thing is, she DID NOT apologise... i mean, come on, where's your manners? it's quite pathetic to say you did not see it when it's so plain that u had caused hurt accidentally... a simple sorry is not that difficult...

anyway, enough abt her... saw ai lin today... haha, first time yeh... looking forward to seeing her~!

another faceless individual in a sea of hopeful, eager facials.... i see myself like that in uni.... many says that we will enjoy uni life the most... the thing is, even though i'm not in any activities, i kind of like the system.... hopefully, i'm not disillousioned~!! so long...

Saturday, August 20, 2005

a satisfying day....

have been teaching piano for abt 2 years plus.... the more i interact with kids, the more i find them utterly pampered~! it's from the sense u get when u see them dressed, the way they speak.... for eg, some students expect me to take the books out of their bags for them~!! what aduacity... me being nice, i help them most of the time... however, sometimes, i'm nasty, i wil speak in a snooty tone:"Take ur theory books out." it's infuriating.... to see them like that... really wonder how will they behave when they are older....

went with my sis to novena square today... i bought an esprit bag~!!! it's classy and cool~!! love it... addidas is having a 30% sale... didn't buy anything... still quite ex ah.... bought marion raven's cd and this disney one... contemplating whether to buy kelly's single or not... really like her~! she's my motivation to listen to chinese songs... see first lar, whether is it still on sale by 28th... can't stand the other b**** guy....

hiaz... gotta do tutorial soon... sianz...

Friday, August 19, 2005


i've notice that no one ever reads my blog that religiously... it's ok... i mean, a blog is for myself... however, it is sometimes nice to write for an audience, so that i can direct my thoughts to that person or persons... i like it now, in the sense, that i have some "privacy" so that i can bitch abt course-mates i don't like, tutors who sux, etc.... no that i don't do it if others don't read my blog...

went out with hui qi and hwee min today... my best buds from sec sch~!!! we are sorta meeting hui qi to give her the bday present... it's a cute bugs bunny.... haha.... it's nice to be ard ppl whom u don't suspect of being somebody other than themselves... i feel really comfortable when i'm with them... it has been abt 7 years since i've known hwee min and 5 since i know hui qi... a long and fruitful time... hope that our frenship will last forever~!!!

i am quite worried abt my studies, as of now, 4 wks into my course... sometimes, it's kind of confusing, as i thought i know, but actually, i don't really know... hiaz, quite sianz.... this kind of feeling of lost... in addition, there are projects, where some tutors prefer a mixed gender grp... u know, mixing with different individuals... i suspect it's they know that guys need motivation in grp work... i'm sterotyping, but that's what i learnt from pw... hopefully, it's not true... fingers-crossed.... lucky me, i'm the grp rep for IT, which is a responsibility that i don't really want.... so, but, just take it as it goes....

i like my OB class... it's very interesting and conceptual... i love my tutor too.... hopefully, her demands are such that i can meet~!!!

i wanna watch charlie~!!!!!

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Thursday, August 11, 2005

life in general...

my laptop is working... well, working=being able to surf the internet... finally, the laptop is working well, i have one less worry.... how's life treating me?? hiaz... alright i guess... i'm experiencing more conflicts within the family... it's not good for me, because i will get upset and cry whenever someone upsets me from the family.... it's not the first time, and will not be the last... i have talked abt crying before, somewhere last year.... i don't know why am i so volatile in terms of emotions... i suspect it's a combination of stress and my stance softening... i used to be much harder, in the sense that i don't get upset easily.... now, i do.... it suxs.... don't know what's wrong with me.... i just hope that it gets better... crying doesn't solve anything at all~!!!! aargh.... peace to me....

sometimes, escapism is good.... hiding beneath something.... i feel that those who can express indirectly through their words are damn good.... many can't grasp the meaning clearly... i fail in this, so, maybe i'm more direct in my words.... that's not really good, if i wanna send out a msg and it's not a pleasant one... anyway, here goes... to u: sometimes, i feel really tied down by u... i choose to run away from all the ties u r trying to hold on to... i feel bad sometimes for deceiving u, but it's getting better... i don't think i can break away from u totally, because u don't want to... perhaps, i ought to make an effort to enrich our relationship, but i don't see the need and the point... ultimately, u r selfish.... i feel bored by everything that is revolving ard u.... i can't relate to it.... everything is abt u.... i don't reveal much because i feel i'm just fufilling a duty, as opposed to u, who is full of animation.... hiaz, i don't see a solution near.... just gonna go through it then....

irony is the ultimate of life.... someone referred me to this.... i feel it applies to u... yet u don't see it.... the irony of it... haha.... maybe, someday, u'll learn.... till now, i'm hopeful....

my family is full of problems.... someday, when i'm filled with the right amt of anger, i will blog it... right now, i'm too tired to....

sch is better then what i expect.... i like OB(organisational behaviour)... i think it's really interesting, study the behaviour of one and how it affects the whole organisation.... i helps to have a cool tutor too~! my elective, PA(public admination) contrast starkly... i really wonder how he got the job... reading from the slides... how inspiring.... anyway, just do my best for uni.... that's all i hope for...

i have a family gathering later... with my maternal side... it will be fun, it always is... can't wait~!!!!

Tuesday, August 02, 2005


went for the first tutorial in uni today.... econs... haha, what the heck... i'm not an expert in the field of economics and don't expect to be.... however, i need someone who is detailed enough to provide me with the whole concept so that i don't have to search for it myself..... however, u guess it, my dear tutor, whose name i've forgotten, is so simplistic... think i'm gonna die le.... just try my best man, and hope for the best.... i'm under my tuition teacher, can't be that bad~!!!! aargh~!

went for biz law tutorial man.... got this cute guy whose in my econs and biz law tutorial... haha.... so, not that boring... anyway, biz law is kind of difficult, most prob, i did not read the notes properly... met someone nice today at tutorial today.... her name is maureen... met her at the bus stop while going home... we walked all the way to the north spine and waited for the bus which is always full of people.... had a nice chat with her... it's comforting to know that i'm not the only one who is stressed abt uni... hope that she is taking care of herself... looking forward to knowing u better~!!!!

it's not fair to say that people have changed... i have.... most noticeably, in appearance..... underneath, i'm still myself.... the change, i note is that i don't seem to mind much abt people not bothering me.... i kind of blend into the surroundings and make the appropriate comments when required.... sometimes, it's difficult to break off or pull yourself away from something... mostly, i think it's to do with fear... i'll try, and hope i will.... because, i think it's better.....

many of my family are going overseas... my uncle is going germany for a few months... my paternal grandma is going to england for sometime.... hmm... must not stray off.... kinship... it's vulnerable yet precious....

more to say..... next time, sis screaming to use the com....