50 first dates... when will that happen?

feel so wonderful today... went to watch 50 first dates... i must agree with the critics that the show is quite dumb but i find it very meaningful... it's about this girl, Lucy, who has short-term memory due to nasty car accident on her father's birthday, played my drew berrymore... adam sandler played henry who fell in love with her at first sight... thus, he finds different ways and method to record their meetings on previous days they have met before... however, lucy chooses to break up with him for fear of messing up his dreams and ambitions... in the end, they got married after some hilarious happenings that occured... one of the best shows i have watched... it reminds me how difficult it is to maintain some form of freshness and passion in a marriage in reality... i feel for henry who has to wrangle with rejection... his patience is indeed admirable... this show also reminds me of marriages nowadays and how hard it is to maintain a relationship built on materialistic foundation but one of innocence and uniqueness... go ahead and watch it~!!

however, the journey to reach the destination of the movie theatre is fraught with much difficulties and tribulations... i wanted to catch the 305pm show and therefore has to reach there with great haste... however, the bus 961 has decided to forsake me in my moment of need... it drove past the bus stop merrily despite my frantic wavings... i was damn pissed... then, i decide to take the bus 170 where i have to change a train at kranji, however, i slept like a baby on the bus ride and missed my stop.... i opened my sleepy eyes to find myself on the way to malaysia... i woke up with a start and immediately ask the bus uncle for directions to get to kranji mrt station... luckily, i got there in one piece (good frame of mind)... haha... just my luck... nevertheless, i was rewarded with a fabulous moive at 425pm...

i'm real worried about the infrastructurs of singapore... another mrt construction site had collapsed today... horrors of all horrors... when will buildings start standing and stop falling suddenly?? hopefully, it's the final one... it's quite disappointing... singapore has never met with such flak before...

anyway, today's quite a nice day... just think that the previous entries are quite bitchy on my part... haha...

currently, listening to craig david's you don't miss your water till the well runs dry... like the introduction of this song~!!

like the river through the mountains, i'm sandwiched

i shall start off on a positive note because of something my friend says today. she said, "as usual, your blog if full of complains, like u in real life..." yar, something like that, so i shall inject positive connotations ny hook or by crook... went jogging with my aunty together, feel very relaxed, as though a heavy stone has been lifted... hmm... must try to increase my distannce, hopefully from my usual 2.4 to 3.6, the gradualist approach, haha, sounds like history... therefore, i'm feeling very jubilant now... hee~!

actually, my day started off badly, as usual... i wonder, why do some people can't get the hint? maybe i'm too sensitive... i can sense alot of things and usually, they are right... some, however, lack this basic feel of things... feel that, i'm being taken for granted for my niceness... split personality setting into place again... the ability to be someone i'm not has never left me spiritually... i wonder... hiaz...

heck care that person... not worth mentioning... she has bad breath and a total lack of feminity towards cleanliness... i hate that~!!

anyway, gonna end positively... i have this afinity with one of my best friends today, hwee min, met her like more than 5 times, cos i think she misses me too much, kept getting in my way... haha...

hope tmr is a better day...

now playing 8th world wonder by kimberly locke
waiting for britney spears' everytime

gareth gates rocks~!

dazed

i'm in a very bad mood today, maybe bad is not the word, i'm too tired to think of any similar words... i'm really in a strange mood today, have to keep fighting to not say the wrong things to people... this also means that the moment i open my big mouth, i have this indescrible urge to start scolding or critising people... it's a miracle i managed to get through the day without offending anyone... can't really think of any reason... hmm... thanks to yoke hing for keeping my sanity when i chated with her during the national education talk today...

hmm... today's talk is not bad at all, compared to all the other talks i have attended, this one is the best, at least i'm partially listening to the speaker instead of switching off totally... the speaker is minister of environment, lim swee seng... after he has spoken, i realised the most important thing or rather characteristic most politicians have, charisma... with this quality, one can charm their way through almost everything... that's so wonderful... haha...

just finished writing the letter my dear vice-principal mrs tan wanted us to write... it's for ponning school on friday... hopefully, she satisfied with it and will get off my back... i mean, she has better things to do with her life...??

i hate PE lesson today, i'm really irritated by it... come on, if people wanna play games, can't they play properly?? why make everyone miserable?? i shall run next time... can shed more fats... haha... once again, i marvel at my ability to transform into another personality... i wonder if that's called split personality?? anyway... went to orchard with my twin sis after 2 minutes of deliberation... didn't wanna go initially... i'm glad that i went... feel better after that... anyway, my dear sis caused me to have this great fall in the morning... i slipped on piece of paper she has left on the floor for her project in my hurry... i'm not kidding when i flew into the air and landed on the left side of my left thigh... i couldn't move for a moment, i was so stunned... now, it hurts... hmm... don't laugh~!!

my mum bought this totally delicious dinner, fish-pieced hor fun and fish-pieced rough mee fen... i really like that restaurant and have a sumptuous dinner, feeling really full now... she must have spent quite a bit after the pizza treat to my extended family last night too... hmm... must be nicer to her... that does not mean i'm not nice to her now... haha...

i totally love britney spear's new song, everytime... must listen to it... it's damn nice~!!

a is for artistically myopic

pon school today... haha... thought i would get things done... but the only thing i did all day was my econs tuition homework, some essay, took the tutor's advice, but feel that something's not right with the essay...

anyway, read some blogs today and came across this guy called alex, someone from nj who thinks that his head is bigger than the school, i'm really disturbed by what he had say... who does he think he is?? firstly, he thinks that he's the best in nj, or i phrase in a different way... the school doesn't deserve him... he says that njcians are a piece of mould, moulded together, so tight that you cannot differentiate one from the other... i'm afraid of breaking the sad news to him... he's part of the mould already, not that he is an njcian but the way he is acting...

most njcians like to complain that the school suxs literally... well dear alex, he has done his lion's share of it... most probably the most vocal one in condemning the school... his favourite subject is literature by the way, and from the way he is acting in lecture, he seems like an expert in the subject, maybe even better than Shakespeare... sorry to put your name side by side with alex... i think that if someone cannot even show some kind of basic respect to a teacher, it shows very much of that person... most probably, he doesn't think that the teacher deserves his respect, i suggest to him that he can rule the world with that mentality...

come to think of it, he probably thinks that all njcians are confined in a little box to do just one thing... study... he has such a myopic view of the world... he just believes in elitist education, where only the students in top schools like rj (his dream school) can succeed in life... i think he has succeeded... in being the biggest jerk... if he's so self-centred to think that nj is too minute for his head, he can pack his bags and leave the school, seek an education somewhere... wait a minute... will he do it? no~!! he has no guts... to him, studying in nj is not his own choice... however, if he's firm enough, he will never have to step his foot into nj...

i believe the thing to do in life when you do not get what you want... make the best out of it if you try your best to change the situation but in vain... that's the pragmatic approach... however, if alex thinks that nj suxs... he can run for the council or any student body to try to change the situation instead of cowering among the student population and complain and look down on everbody else... in one sentence: he has no guts...

i'm wondering why am i even bothering to mention him... cause he's the biggest sucker in the world and someone has to put him down... i'm not the person but i just wanna put some justice in his words... i may not know how to write the poetry he writes or use the bombastic vocabulary he has... but as long as i know english and is able to type, i will not allow someone like him to dennounce the school name or the students because if he has any observation skills, not all the students and teachers are like that... it's him with the problem...

anyway, GARETH GATES ROCKS~!

whatever

just chanced upon a blog by my friend's friend... anyway, this friend of mine has been avoiding me for quite a long time... he just refuses to answer the little smses i sent him... initially, thought he had terminated his line, then i read his friend's friend blog and realised that his phone is tip-top working order... how stupid can i be?? thought that the history behind us was enough to keep in contact and remain friends... i thought well of him even though he had hurt me "unintentionally" many times... what the heck?? he doesn't even care... why should i?? why am i still hung up over him?? shit me... friends, why can't he care at least about that??

whatever... today is just not my day... didn't talk much... didn't eat much... hate myself... feel depressed...

i feel like debating this topic: This House Believes That crying is a sign of weakness.

hmm... so, what do i think?? does anybody care?? sometimes, i marvel at my ability to present a front that is my usual self while i'm feeling totally messed-up internally, what is wrong with me?? finally, i've learnt to trust, think that people actually care about me... however, it seems like i'm wrong... why am i so afraid to trust?? i don't want to be hurt, just want to be understood...

the above is just my warbled thoughts... what's wrong with me...

listening to Too Soon To Say Goodbye by Gareth Gates. he rocks, by the way.

parents~!!

i was so freaking tired after CCA today, coupled with the fact that i slept late last night... thus, the only thing i can think of doing when i get home is to watch the damn tv... so, i just slumped down on the sofa to watch the tv... then, my father started to scream, and i mean scream that i should bathe, whatever shit, and that my mom would scold me(she's not even home), that we should help him, why should he be "suffering" while we are enjoying?? by the way, he was cooking after work...

the above scene is a common one, the exchange of words, he with himself, is also another common one...

my parents always complain that we do not help them with the housework, nag, nag, nag... i was like, what's their damn problem?? i do fold their damn clothes, sweep the damn floor every weekend or when i'm home, change the damn bedsheets, do whatever damn thing they tell us... why is it never not enough?? if they want me to help them 24/7, to sweep, mop, clean, iron, whatever, everything that a maid does, i'm totally willing, if they are willing to support me for the rest of my life, i will stop studying immediately to help them clean the damn house...

sometimes, i don't understand why are they so vengeful, they just don't like the fact that they are slogging through the housework while i'm sitting comfortably in the study room, under the harsh glare of light, doing my homework till late into the night... wow~!! i totally enjoy it...

i don't understand, they constantly say that they are under stress... u mean, the stress they have is lesser than mine?? they are supposedly older, thus, they should have more experience in handling stress than me... therefore, they have the rights to watch the tv to destress while i don't... by the way, i'm not allowed to watch the damn tv anymore, due to the above incident...

they say that i'm selfish, am i?? they can be tired, i cannot be, i'm suppose to have superhuman strength...

they claim that i don't lift a finger... do i claim credit for what i do??

why can't they understand me... is that so difficult to seek?? just some form of basic understanding...

why do i have stress?? because of them... why can't they just be less selfish and ask me about me, take me for who i am?? why do they impose their ideas upon me?? are they right??

they are just selfish beings.... don't wanna think of them as that.... just can't help it... i just want to be loved...

don't ever cry for them!!

GARETH GATES IS SOUFULLY ROMANTIC~!!

the day we find love

today is quite a mild day, comparatively to the many moods i always feel in school... suppression... trapped... so, today is quite a nice day... anyway, the title is reflective of the 911 song i'm listening to... always a sucker for ballads, esp. pop...

this morning, the lit paper 1 teacher scolded us for not handing in assignments on time... haha... we probably deserve it... however, people do ask her in a nice way to postpone the assignment... hiaz... teachers...

got back my history today~!! Got a D~!! hmm... am i satisfied?? just say that i feel i can do better... overall, my common test grades are:
econs: F (unless he's kind-hearted enough to add 1 mark so i will get O)
lit: O (what does this say?? STUDY~!!)
history: D (can do better)
Maths: B (must get A next time)

hmm... talking about my maths... now, we are studying statistics... i'm not good at this chapter, thus, the feeling of panic always threaten to overwhelm my very fragile heart... haha... but, seriously, i'm starting to worry... still remember the good old times, where my maths results was mediocre among the rest in my secondary classmates... i never had to worry because someone better will always be there to meet the expectations of the teacher... however, now, it's different... i don't relish the thought of people expecting me to do well always... why can't someone fall sometimes?? i work hard to get my results (erm, in maths only)... haha... sometimes, when people ask in jest "why is your maths so good?" i always reply them that the key to "success" is to work hard... they will then proceed to look at me with disbelief... the truth is out there... i want everyone to do well together~!! i don't enjoy being the only odd one out... sometimes, my maths teacher will pourposely laugh at me when i don't understand or don't really wanna listen to my questions... is that what i want?? sometimes, it's quite a torture, however, i've learnt to block out some of these hostilities towards her... anyway, she just wanna help...

hiaz... there's CCA tomorrow... really dreading it... it's because i don't know how to play the damn song~!! some people may wonder why is that not a motivation to go for practice?? i don't really know either... let's analyse it in this way... sometimes, you know you can do it, but one is just too lazy... the lesson learnt: DON'T BE LAZY!! sometimes, i wonder why have i turned out this way?? i'm usually motivated... is it because of the people around me, or?? however, i think it boils down to myself... hey dear, must work harder~!!

i hate common tests or any kind of assessment even though it's necessary... it sort of builds a temple around someone, protecting that someone so that one finds it hard to determine the true feelings when the results are distributed... it prevents two person from becoming close and be true friends unless one can overlook that fact... i believe that common tests are reallt a test of friendship... luckily, i have very, very good friends who have overlooked that problem... i remember in secondary school, i used to thing that even my friends are competing with me.... that will always happen, however, they are sincerely true in my achievements, it's just my own oversight who thinks that they are competing with me...

hmm... this entry is full of remising about the past... really miss the good old days where there things are more true...

yeah~!! nj soccer and basketball team has went into the next round~!! i want to go and support them... however, i have an ulterior motive... i hope to take the opportunity to meet my sec school friends... hopefully, soccer is in jj, then can meet a certain someone... ha"ha...

ponning" school on friday~!! there's some council elect speeches... whatever... shall stay at home at study SAT.... so sianz... so long, till next time...

GARETH GATES ROCKS~!!

finally.......

currently,i'm in an exhilarating mood~!! most probably after the inner conflict i had between doing lit 1 homework or using the computer... hmm... the computer has won, as usual... i feel the tremendous urge to jot down my thoughts about my first econs tuition~!! strange, to be so happy about going for tuition... hmm... i'm real glad that i'm pulling my life together...

i don't feel like critising my school econs teacher but then, i'm already contradicting myself... the econs tutor is very clear and precise, and i can keep myself awake for 3 hours... feel that i have learnt much more in the short span of 3 hours than the 2 weeks studying the same topic... the notes given were very effective too... kudos to the tutor~!!

feeling very sleepy now... don't know what's the problem, slept for 8 hours last night... hmm... most probably given lame excuses not to do my homework...

feeling rather strange nowadays... i feel that i have a crush on someone, however, i find that in jc life, no teasing has taken place... rather different from secondary school life... most probably, because many are getting attached... oh, whatever, i'm single and loving it... sometimes i wonder, is having a boyfriend that important?? it seems important to a lot of people... sure, it can cure the loneliness in one's "fragile" heart, but is it necessary?? i beg to differ...

anyway, i'm so in love with GARETH GATES~!! he really melt my heart~!! his voice is so smooth, like the feel of silk against the bare skin... i hope that he comes to this tiny island soon for a concert... most prob, hiaz... have to wait long long, as a matter of fact...

going jogging later... feel real good when i jog, as if i'm shedding all my fats away... haha... mouth's hurting now because the the braces, just changed it... pardon me if i talk weird... hee~!!

confused

sometimes you just want to be close to a person, and just when you thought you have succeeded, the person just clamps down...

what am i supposed to do??

sometimes, the person takes the initiative to talk to you about her daily life, stuff you are not farmiliar with, you just don't care...

is the person trying to include me in her life?? or trying to show off??

sometimes, on rare occasions, both agree on a topic, however, that moment of closeness is spoilt by me keeping the comments to myself just because i don't really care if she knows my true feelings...

is that hypocrisy??

i guess, i really want to have a relationship where other things don't matter but just basic understanding... sometimes, i do not understand why friendship cannot be in its purest form, caring for one another, taking pride when your friend does well or just plain sharing of opinions and respecting the comments instead of just trying to prove one's own points...

is there pure fantasy on my part?? does it exist??

slacking

hmm... curently sitting in the library and writing this blog... slacking as usual... hmm... never like the idea of doing work in school...

anyway, just had lit paper 8 lesson awhile ago, as usual, it was hilarious... it is a nice day so far~!! celebrated my friend's birthday with the pizza she treated us... yum... yum...

i'm quite glad that things are normal between my classmate and i... don't really want to live in a warring zone day after day...

hmm... stoning now, waiting for the next lesson to start and playing yahoo games on the net~!! going for tuition later in the night... hopefully, i will not doze off.... haha... a super short entry... write again tomorrow~!!

a nice day overall

today started of rather badly... firstly, its the damn weather... i've never felt so freaking hot before... sometimes, i really hate this weather... haha... maybe all the time... come to think of it, when have i ever been in love with the weather before?? haha... maybe, i should just count my blessings to live in such an environment... don't have to constantly change the wardrobe to suit the climate...

bad timing... gonna eat dinner now... write more later~!!

i'm back~!! to continue, right after assemnly is some international friendship day thing which the class is suppose to do... and i do emphasise on the "suppose"... as usual, the class, with the exception of the new guy, did not bring any photos to help the collage making... wow, really admire the unity of my own class... hmm... this incurred the wrath of the house i/c... can really see that she did not take it that well... she was viciously throwing her file and pencil box on the desk next to me, and the single thought dominating my mind was "what the hell does she think she's doing??!!" she has a basis for her anger but i was thinking she has brought it quite far... the fault does lie in the class for not contributing anything... but that does not mean that the whole world is at fault... don't see the point in taking out at the whole world... i guess, she does not want the incident to reflect badly on her... that's quite understandable... however, it's only a suggestion...

after that, my day was quite spoilt... i was feeling totally bored with everything, don't really have the mood to talk much... then, my dear twin sis messaged me after my last lesson... on the spur of the moment, i decided to call her... and suggested watching a movie at causeway point... VIOLA~!! that's how i am totally crazy over HELLBOY~!! it's one of the best action movies of all time... the right elements are there... action, romance, relationships, just about everything... didn't regret my decision abit... the only thing is... how am i gonna excel in my guitar playing?? the concert is just about coming up and my playing sux big time~!! whatever.... i just have to practise doubly hard then...

hmm... just remembered i was influencing my fren not to go for guitar practice... haha... what a bad person i am... a bad influence... however, she's smart... she went for guitar in the end... not a slacker like me...

was enjoying my fruits awhile before... sorta had a talk with my mummy... was discussing my future... if i had one... haha... feel quite glad about it... seldom talk to my mummy... hope that she gets better day by day... i feel quite depressed when i see her so stressed, doing the chores when she gets back from work, where the hours are irregular... try to help her during the weekend, hmm... think that the lack of communication stems from the fact that she is always angry at the slightest thing, quite difficult to talk to her... hopefully, will have more talks...

i'm not going to school tomorrow, have a dental appoinment to attend... that's not bad at all... hmm... maybe, i will finally have the chance to do some studying, if i actually can tear my eyes from the computer... haha... blog writing is quite addictive...

anyway, feeling very tired... gonna snooze soon...~!!!

sitting in front of the screen

ok, i'm now currently sitting in front of the computer screen, trying to figure out where to find the photos for some house competition going on tomorrow... the best thing is, we have to find community photos of singaporeans helping communities of other countries... i'm like, "woo-hoo"~!! where the hell am i gonna find them?? just can't help thinking... surely there are better ways of commemorating international friendship day than this activity?? hmm... maybe the have exhausted all their brain juicies, not that it's a good thing... the next activity will most probably be collecting stones to celebrate tree planting day.... oh, whatever!!

hmm... my literature results have been calculated... failed, got an O7.... hmm... maybe people think it's funny or strange of me to announce my rather shameful results in public... i beg to differ... i think it's rather ok to air my dirty laundry in public because it's alright, i mean, no point hiding if some know about it, most are gonna know... anyway, i'm quite disheartened by the results... no fault of others... i mean, come on, i did not study, that's a well-known fact, therefore... however, don't think that's an excusable reason... some people did alright with minimal studying... the message after so much crap.... STUDY~!!

hmm... discover a lot of things through my life in nj, if there are indeed things to discover... the people i interact with are really very competitive... not that i think there's any thing wrong with it, however, i feel like screaming at them sometimes... WHAT'S THE POINT IN COMPETING IN EVERYTHING?? personally, i feel that, whatever you do, it's still your own results... i think that, if someone can really gain satisfaction in someone else's pathetic results, hmm... i suggest changing your own outlook in life... you really need it...

sometimes, i just wonder... should i give up or hang on to something that i suspect strongly that it's just not going to happen?? ok, still talking about studies... when have i been reduced to this state of having nothing to say but just the sad state of my affairs.... really feel like dropping lit... why can't i ever perform?? quite sad, actually... whatever, answer the question in a few weeks, i hope...

hmm... think this econs teacher in school thinks that i have a crush on him... it's quite amusing.... something always just happen whenever i see him... something silly, hence my above conclusion... he came in to see over the class because my econs teacher was absent... i was so surprised and stared chuckling rather loudly... haha...

hmm... that's about all... hmm... shall proclaim my love in next entry... wait with bated breath... haha... just love to humour myself....

dead beat

i feel so lethargic today... just felt like sleeping the whole time... hmm.... something very interesting happened today during history lecture... hahaha... we wanted to have some fun and switched off the lights in the lecture theatre, hoping the teacher will be scared out of his wits... that did not happened the previous time we tried it, so, we thought, today was no exception... the "fun" started off well enough till he almost, i stress on the word "almost" tripped, and thus, made a big "hoo-har" out of the whole thing... surprise... surprise.... we got scolded.... however, we thought he felt a tad bit sorry and pretended nothing happen... so, he was quite nice as a result, haha... unlike some uptight teachers, who will just act as though we, the students have no right whatsoever to have a little fun....

anyway, did something useful today...~!!! signed up for economics tuition~!! i really need it big time~!! did pretty bad which equals to F. haha.... nevertheless, i'm picking up my socks now... hopefully, i mean, really, my econs will improve...

send the letters to two of my closet secondary school friends... feel kind of relief to be able to pour my real feelings into the letters.... i really want to keep things in the open... just can't change this old habit of mine... telling people just about everything... the things i want them to see/know...

hmm... suddenly thought of this secondary school crush of mine... had not heard from him for a long, long time.... seems like decades... i keep telling myself... why bother to keep in contact when he does not seem to care two hoots about my existence... on the contrary, i like to think i brought some sparks to his life in secondary school... thus, i DELETED HIS DAMN PHONE NUMBER FROM MY PHONE.... cheers~!! now, he can rot in wherever for all i care...

anyway, this seems like such a long time ago, hmm... must really start on my homework now... actually, can't think of any... may just depart to my chambers soon....~!! ok, i feel rejuvenated now~!! maybe, writing does have its positive effects... haha... being the slacker i am, my chambers look strongly inviting...

ok, the story is a promise... working on it.... by this week.... no sweat!!

sing-along -- lalalala

ONLY HOPE

There's a song that inside of my soul.
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again.
I'm awake in the infinite cold, but you sing to me over and over and over again.

So I lay my head back down,
and I lift my hands and pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours.
I know now you're my
only hope.

Sing to me the song of the stars.
Of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again.
When it feels like my dreams are
so far, sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again.

So I lay my head back down,
and I lift my hands and pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours.
I know now you're my
only hope.

I give you my destiny.
I'm giving you all of me.
I want your symphony.
Singing in all that I am.
At the top of my lungs,
I'm giving it back.

So I lay my head back down,
and I lift my hands and pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours.
I pray to be only yours.
I know now you're my
only hope.

Only Hope, it can keep me alive, with the surroundings i'm in.
Only Hope can propel me to move forward, to fulfill my dreams.

I refuse to be slack, hence, pull up your socks and STUDY~!!

a first for everything

my first entry~!! hmm... nothing much happened today... went to school in the morning for literature remedial... simultaneously, got back my lit. paper 8 results... kinda feel a little disappointed, or rather, sick of everything... sometimes, when one has put in the most, the fruits of harvest are just pathetic... anyway, strive for the best the next time round.... actually, i guess, the moral of the story -- STUDY~!! i feel a sense of constraint nowadays, i have a strong susipicion that it arises from the constant suroundings that i am in, never felt like that before... STRESS is a taboo word in my dicitionary, however, it has transcended on me slowly but surely... horrors of all horrors~!! i miss the days when i'm with my friends with no worries... anyway, going jogging now, update soon~!!

hey, hey, i'm BACK~!! ok, back to the friends area... sometimes, i feel that i'm being pulled apart in all directions literally... many people demand me for different things, meet different expectations and most of all, be there for them... i'm fine with that, however, sometimes, it's a tad bit tiring... i hope that i can be myself at most times...

STRESS~!!! sometimes, i really hope that word cease to exist... during my common tests, i was so tensed that i had some problems with my bowels (think that's grotesque humour)... that had never happened to me before... why the sudden change in behaviour... i really hate myself for changing to suit the situation... i mean, come on, the change is not healthy, is it part and parcel of growing up?? maybe, maturity combines with the will to survive...

hmm.... the first entry is full of complaints and feelings... due to my everlasting belief in complaining about everything... gonna post a story and song soon... reflects my intense feelings... (i wish) hee~!!