pissed with kid

it's abt 2 hrs from the wedding, and i'm supposed to finish my essay, as the cc has invited me to a moive preview... in the morning.... and for tmr afternoon, think we are meeting to do OBD project... aargh... so many things and so little time.... the thing is, i have not include my tutorials... hiaz.... why, and i'm typing the blog and surfing the net, procrastinating as usual.... actually, i'm quite disturbed and upset...

i have this student, pri 2 this year, learning piano... he doesn't practise and it's kinda hard to progress, if u have a bloody piano and not practise... the thing is, he's way back the usual standard of the kids i've been teaching, and it worries me... i don't wanna waste his parents' money... and in my sis's opinion, i have to inform the parents... the thing is, i really hate talking to parents, come on, who likes to be interrogated by parents... so, for the past 2 months or so, i've been v strict with him, scolding him and stuff... what do u want me to do...? he's rude, always trying to drown out my words with his playing, when i try to explain stuff... today is the worse... he has some problems with his counting, so i was like, in a strict voice, saying, u don't count, i count.... when i start to count, he basically didn't follow what i say... and i was like it's wrong, or something along the line... and he shouted I'M NOT COUNTING.... i was like, wtf.... what's your problem? i don't fucking depend on u for a living... and u have to be rude.... i was feeling v angry, wanted to slap him, but of course i can't do that.... and i just progress on with the lesson, pretending nothing has happen, in a calm voice... and he just bang the piano, like i fucking owe him something.... and luckily, for me, the time was up, so i told him lesson over, and u can go.... without concluding anything.... actually, what i wanted to say was GET OUT AND DON'T EVER COME BACK.... hiaz.... wtf.... kids these days.... and the thing is, i hope he doesn't come back next week... gonna bring the matter to my principal, i dun wanna teach ungrateful ingrates like him.... ass....

went with my sis to chinatown... bought beads for her jewellery business.... she introduced me to this store selling nice and hot desserts!!! had cashew nut cream... it was delicious!!!! hmm... must go try if i have the chance..... hmm... actually, ate alot... haha.... it was fun.... probably because of my bad mood, i can eat alot... that usually happenes..... bought my suit from people's park centre too!!! not that expensive, affordable within my means.... hiaz... OBD... hopefully, the presentation goes on smoothly.... aargh!!!

only at paragraph 2 of my essay, hiaz... sure die le....

gonna try out for the sub-com for WSC... hopefully, it's not that difficult to get in... but hafta stay back late to meet... sianz.....

should be all le.... feeling much better now.... audieu....

guys and online

this is a good night... n i mean for online chatting, not my essay... arrgh.... chat too much le... and now, i'm still back to square one... i deserve it... hiaz... ok, let me explain how did i get caught in the fundamentals of chatting.... firstly, i went online with the sole purpose of typing my essay... i mean, i didn't even want to chat... in addition, there's no one to chat to, yoke is with her parents, and pei shan is not online.... however, IT project...

yupz... jun hong came online and told me abt the ER diagram and stuff... then, he started asking me abt the msn stuff.... actually didn't want to tell him... distance, remember... however, he was just concerned, so, i was like, k, so i told him everyone thing, the essentials of it... then, we started chatting... so, from abt 845, we chat till 1130.... then, he had to bathe... lol... guys, why do they bathe so late? really wondering... it was quite nice... know some stuff abt him that i never knew... the thing is, i don't know how i will feel when i see him in sch... it's really weird... u know, see each other, seldom talk, then online... wow... chat abt many stuff... weird...

and the thing is, i realise why i wld fall for the maple guy... i always have a knack of getting ppl to talk abt themselves, and that's the case for junhong.... he was basically telling me stuff, w/o asking me stuff... but for derek, it's different, he asked me abt stuff... listening to me... it's basically a mutual exchange... and for the first time, i am taking instead of giving.... that's why i fell so hard... hiaz... aargh!!! crazy... me... jun hong... a very nice guy... i think if i allow myself to fall for him, i'm gonna get real hurt.... because, he's so much like mz, minus the responsibility part... someone, whom i feel comfortable with? the thing is, i dun feel i'm good enough for him.... rubbish? i don't know.... but one thing i'm sure.... i don't want to get hurt again.... and, yar.... i can keep the distance... yupz...

chatting with my fren from australia.... introducing shuxian.... my TAF club fren in sec sch... really miss her... i mean.... it's like we can chat abt lots of stuff... hope she takes care of her health...

hiaz... going for wedding dinner tomorrow... rather looking forward to it... but then, i haven finish my stupid PA essay... aargh!! see how it goes... hopefully, i can sleep!

sensitivity

sometimes, i really think too much... and being the leader of the IT grp, guess it's sorta my responsibility to involve everyone... hiaz... why do i bother? when others do not? just add to my burden.... wtf.... i don't owe anybody anything.... just trying to be nice, and if anyone can't appreciate it, then f off.... yeah, expletives here and there... not really me.... perhaps, i can be normal again when the sch hols arrive... can't wait...

hiaz.... sometimes, it's really irritating..... ppl i dunno, just a feeling i get.... i feel very restless nowadays... don't know what the problem is.... hiaz....

actually, kind of like life now.... not so many politics and stress.... the irony of it...

tt's all....

angry voices

in my opinion, i just had a heated discussion with my IT grp members on MSN.... and jun hong can just go figure... whateva.... and i resent u thinking that i take the easy way out... whatever the issue tt crops up, u r the one who is the one who pointed it out... point taken, tt's good... and i just give the different perspective of manipulating the damn data, because we are the ones who inputed the damn data in the first place... and u wanna question my intelligence.... on why the query was set in the first place... wtf... i don't give a damn and u can go figure out why smart guys don't always win in the end.... come on, i know i didn't do much.... but i really can't change the fact that i don't freaking know how to bloody hell do the queries.... wtfffffffff!!!!!!!!! not a good note to end on a night of chatting.....

it was a nice night... had dinner at chong pang cc to celebrate my dad's bday... we had crab bee hoon, cereal prawns, hakka tofu, yam basket and prawn paste kang kong.... then, we had fried oyster at chong pang hawker with some desserts... it's been a long time the family has gone out just as a family... i find it strange... perhaps, we don't talk much at all.... and i was very quiet... i still have some resentment towards my father, and it's in me.... i have to resolve it somehow, and i don't find it easy... perhaps, it's better if i can find someone to clear up this knot in me.... my sisters are no help, as they don't even bother to acknowledge the problem... don't blame them, we are just used to a lot of this kind of things... aargh...

miss talking to him... hope he initiates the conversation.... yeah, i'm over him.... just the teeniest hope...

hate frenster now.... i mean, they let u know who views u... which is like... duh? where's the sense of privacy... so stupid...

hiaz... gonna do my PA essay now... wish me luck!

another tuesday... aargh!

in sch now... prinitng notes... had mcdonalds' breakfast with my twin sis just now.... my lazy younger sis is broke and slping her ass off... haha.... i like to have a nice breakfast, so that i feel justified to skip lunch!! haha... anyway, with my stupid timetable, it's a wonder whether i get to eat any lunch or not...

hiaz... haven prepare my speech for the interview presentation tomorrow... how? my mom is so sensitive, thinks i'm gonna spoil the reputation of mediacorp... it's only a 3 min presentation, just gonna describe her job to everyone, and she thinks i'm gonna tarnish her reputation....? duh? actually, i don't blame her... hmm.... just gonna write my speech and give her a read-over... so that she will not murder me... haha...

was talking to this maple guy from NTU... was quite shocked when he initiated the conversation... haha, actually, i wanted to talk to him... open the msn windows a couple of times, but just did not talk to him... crazy? yeah.... anyway, he was saying he had not started studying yet... i was like... me too... and he said i'm hardworking? i was like?? feeling guilty... didn't study anything for the whole weekend... haha... i went to ask my younger sis to affirm my hardworkingness... lame? yeah, i need the assurance... haha, since they say i'm hardworking, i'm gonna be... and that means i must finish my PA essay by this friday... even if it means i'm gonna look really like a panda...

can't wait for all projects to end, so i can really start mugging... hiaz... projects...

was talking to my friend from sec sch who's in england now... she is rather like me, a free spirit who likes to bring joy to others.... kinda miss her... not really good frens, but the kind that can talk... yeah, and she tries to make me and mz be frens when we sorta quarrel... haha.. hope to chat with her often...

have to go... otherwise, late for lecture... hope that i don't fall asleep!!!

indifferent

something's wrong with blogger again... haha, it's really ok if it allows me to type... doing my cover letter and interview presentation now.... got scolded by my mom just now, so, hafta wait a while before i ask her more abt her job... she's the vindictive kind, ya know.... hiaz... life of my family....

my IT project has been completed!! hmm.... this is really just a statement and not a celebratory one... i have some internal feelings of my own regarding IT project... and in the case that this gets read by the wrong person, i will be deem as ungrateful... anyway, i'm really relieved that it's over, and that there's only the report left to complete... will miss my grp, as they are easy to get along.... makes me wish sometimes that projects are better than exams... anyway, if u ask me choose, i would not make a choice, as they both are irritating!!! speaking of exams, PA, is such a big headache for me... think i'm gonna be dead for it if i don't start mugging for it soon.... and the stupid assignment is due soon... and i have not done it... aargh!!! it's times like this that make me wish for someone to confide in.... sianz...

there's lessons tomorrow... biz law in particular... hopefully, i will not be a mute....

been doing some rather bad stuff lately online.... don't really wanna elaborate on it, just that i will stop doing it... why hurt someone? and perhaps myself.... and really, a big thanks to zhi fa, mz's fren, who helped me with IT.... been bothering him for 2 nights straight... haha, hope he doesn't mind...

don't really like my entries lately... too much of reporting and less of what i really feel abt stuff... perhaps, i am too engrossed in my work.... hiaz... my life's not really happening, and i don't wish for it to be happening... just that, i do stuff that is not the norm of ppl in uni... and proclaiming on public seems out of place and strange.... maybe i'm conforming for the invisible public, which is not too good... as i wanna retain myself... hiaz... so difficult sometimes, to maintain this shread of normalcy...

think mapling is a good way to meet ppl... have been meeting ppl here and there.... between the ages 11-26... haha, so far.... when i go mapling, i can forget abt alot of things... and that makes me real happy to be in the virtual world... unrealistic? perhaps? it's true and i know it... that's why i say, i have a pathetic life... anyway, going online seldom now, stuff and home and studies... hiaz... hiaz...

that should be all....

conclusion

blogger is back to normal! hiaz.... it's been a tiring week for me, have been slping almost 5 hrs everyday... however, i can take it better than in jc.... probably, because they days are shorter... u may ask what i've been doing? basically, reading the textbooks.... i'm quite worried for econs... actually, for almost everything.... cos, it's quite hanging, where there's no confirmed right or wrong... but rather, what u have matches the tutor, u just feel and think u r on the right track... i hate to use the computer, cos, once i'm on it, i'll just do nothing but use the computer... contrary to many of my frens, i don't go mapling, but chat.... that's real bad.... i'm not that efficient at multi-tasking... i have no choice... so many things to do...
1. cover letter
2. interview presentation
3. econs tutorial
4. biz law tutorial
5. PA essay
6. IT project
7. OBD project

they are no in order of urgency... so many things.... aargh... and for IT project, i've been hounding mz's fren.... feel bad abt it, cos it's their hols... hope he doesn't mind... really nice of him... but tiring, cos, he's the night online kind of person, know what i mean? it's ok... for the sake of the project.... why... why....

superstar concert... hmm... it's quite boring.... but derrick is so cute! hiaz.... rather enjoy it, but put a hole in my pocket, for the cab fare... a nice time spent with hwee min, hui qi and mag... the screaming fans were mad though, screaming and screaming like there's no tomorrow... maybe, i'm old le... haha...

i'm maintaining my distance.... subconciously, i'm doing that.... perhaps, i'm afraid of making a mistake, but i have a feeling it's more than that.... u really remind me of someone... someone who has a major and lasting impact on my life... really afraid of committing the same mistake... so, distance is the answer and only the answer.... God will bless me on this...

think i'm going mad... having crushes only at this kind of age... whatever lar... perhaps, i'm too caught up in the new environment.... yeah, back to the sensible me.... practicality rules!

hiaz... shld be all... sianz... hope i can finish everything by today... on top of giving tuition....