my laptop is working... well, working=being able to surf the internet... finally, the laptop is working well, i have one less worry.... how's life treating me?? hiaz... alright i guess... i'm experiencing more conflicts within the family... it's not good for me, because i will get upset and cry whenever someone upsets me from the family.... it's not the first time, and will not be the last... i have talked abt crying before, somewhere last year.... i don't know why am i so volatile in terms of emotions... i suspect it's a combination of stress and my stance softening... i used to be much harder, in the sense that i don't get upset easily.... now, i do.... it suxs.... don't know what's wrong with me.... i just hope that it gets better... crying doesn't solve anything at all~!!!! aargh.... peace to me....
sometimes, escapism is good.... hiding beneath something.... i feel that those who can express indirectly through their words are damn good.... many can't grasp the meaning clearly... i fail in this, so, maybe i'm more direct in my words.... that's not really good, if i wanna send out a msg and it's not a pleasant one... anyway, here goes... to u: sometimes, i feel really tied down by u... i choose to run away from all the ties u r trying to hold on to... i feel bad sometimes for deceiving u, but it's getting better... i don't think i can break away from u totally, because u don't want to... perhaps, i ought to make an effort to enrich our relationship, but i don't see the need and the point... ultimately, u r selfish.... i feel bored by everything that is revolving ard u.... i can't relate to it.... everything is abt u.... i don't reveal much because i feel i'm just fufilling a duty, as opposed to u, who is full of animation.... hiaz, i don't see a solution near.... just gonna go through it then....
irony is the ultimate of life.... someone referred me to this.... i feel it applies to u... yet u don't see it.... the irony of it... haha.... maybe, someday, u'll learn.... till now, i'm hopeful....
my family is full of problems.... someday, when i'm filled with the right amt of anger, i will blog it... right now, i'm too tired to....
sch is better then what i expect.... i like OB(organisational behaviour)... i think it's really interesting, study the behaviour of one and how it affects the whole organisation.... i helps to have a cool tutor too~! my elective, PA(public admination) contrast starkly... i really wonder how he got the job... reading from the slides... how inspiring.... anyway, just do my best for uni.... that's all i hope for...
i have a family gathering later... with my maternal side... it will be fun, it always is... can't wait~!!!!
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
uni
went for the first tutorial in uni today.... econs... haha, what the heck... i'm not an expert in the field of economics and don't expect to be.... however, i need someone who is detailed enough to provide me with the whole concept so that i don't have to search for it myself..... however, u guess it, my dear tutor, whose name i've forgotten, is so simplistic... think i'm gonna die le.... just try my best man, and hope for the best.... i'm under my tuition teacher, can't be that bad~!!!! aargh~!
went for biz law tutorial man.... got this cute guy whose in my econs and biz law tutorial... haha.... so, not that boring... anyway, biz law is kind of difficult, most prob, i did not read the notes properly... met someone nice today at tutorial today.... her name is maureen... met her at the bus stop while going home... we walked all the way to the north spine and waited for the bus which is always full of people.... had a nice chat with her... it's comforting to know that i'm not the only one who is stressed abt uni... hope that she is taking care of herself... looking forward to knowing u better~!!!!
it's not fair to say that people have changed... i have.... most noticeably, in appearance..... underneath, i'm still myself.... the change, i note is that i don't seem to mind much abt people not bothering me.... i kind of blend into the surroundings and make the appropriate comments when required.... sometimes, it's difficult to break off or pull yourself away from something... mostly, i think it's to do with fear... i'll try, and hope i will.... because, i think it's better.....
many of my family are going overseas... my uncle is going germany for a few months... my paternal grandma is going to england for sometime.... hmm... must not stray off.... kinship... it's vulnerable yet precious....
more to say..... next time, sis screaming to use the com....
went for biz law tutorial man.... got this cute guy whose in my econs and biz law tutorial... haha.... so, not that boring... anyway, biz law is kind of difficult, most prob, i did not read the notes properly... met someone nice today at tutorial today.... her name is maureen... met her at the bus stop while going home... we walked all the way to the north spine and waited for the bus which is always full of people.... had a nice chat with her... it's comforting to know that i'm not the only one who is stressed abt uni... hope that she is taking care of herself... looking forward to knowing u better~!!!!
it's not fair to say that people have changed... i have.... most noticeably, in appearance..... underneath, i'm still myself.... the change, i note is that i don't seem to mind much abt people not bothering me.... i kind of blend into the surroundings and make the appropriate comments when required.... sometimes, it's difficult to break off or pull yourself away from something... mostly, i think it's to do with fear... i'll try, and hope i will.... because, i think it's better.....
many of my family are going overseas... my uncle is going germany for a few months... my paternal grandma is going to england for sometime.... hmm... must not stray off.... kinship... it's vulnerable yet precious....
more to say..... next time, sis screaming to use the com....
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
3 times
3 weeks, i cried 3 times.
something must be wrong with me...
hiaz, the first time, was because of my dad. the second time was because of my sis. the third time is because of sch and the internet.
uni has started. i am already stressed. i guess it's because the lecturer has planned out what to do for the whole semester. there seems to be so much. i teach tuition too. how am i gonna find time?? i guess, it's this mind of mine, trying to take everything in, resulting in a big ball coming to chase me.... after crying, i feel much relieved. but i can't do too much of it.... it's pretty self-pitying, and that crying can get u nowhere... so, i've decided to take one day at a time.... i have been trying to get fixed on a goal, that is to get honours, try and work hard.... most prob, i fear that i can't face up to uni work.... but now, one step at a time, i feel much better.... in addition, i don't seem to know much people... the apprehension and fear of going to tutorial is so intense that i am stressed... pretty stupid, i would say.... now, i just heck lar.... people mah, getting to know them, is for practical purposes.... to do well in tutorials.... hiaz....
my internet connection on my laptop is not working... i don't know what's wrong.... irritating....
i can eat today~! finally~!! my bite is still quite weak though....
actually, i am thankful for alot of things... esp people i know.... so, not much right to complain...
went out with my sis today... she spent alota time at spotlight, buying stuff to make ear rings.... so long~!!! then we went to watch the island... it's a nice show, but pretty draggy as it goes along... like the concept of utopian society~!!!!!!!!!! nothing to worry abt...
k, my sis wanna use le.... so long~!
something must be wrong with me...
hiaz, the first time, was because of my dad. the second time was because of my sis. the third time is because of sch and the internet.
uni has started. i am already stressed. i guess it's because the lecturer has planned out what to do for the whole semester. there seems to be so much. i teach tuition too. how am i gonna find time?? i guess, it's this mind of mine, trying to take everything in, resulting in a big ball coming to chase me.... after crying, i feel much relieved. but i can't do too much of it.... it's pretty self-pitying, and that crying can get u nowhere... so, i've decided to take one day at a time.... i have been trying to get fixed on a goal, that is to get honours, try and work hard.... most prob, i fear that i can't face up to uni work.... but now, one step at a time, i feel much better.... in addition, i don't seem to know much people... the apprehension and fear of going to tutorial is so intense that i am stressed... pretty stupid, i would say.... now, i just heck lar.... people mah, getting to know them, is for practical purposes.... to do well in tutorials.... hiaz....
my internet connection on my laptop is not working... i don't know what's wrong.... irritating....
i can eat today~! finally~!! my bite is still quite weak though....
actually, i am thankful for alot of things... esp people i know.... so, not much right to complain...
went out with my sis today... she spent alota time at spotlight, buying stuff to make ear rings.... so long~!!! then we went to watch the island... it's a nice show, but pretty draggy as it goes along... like the concept of utopian society~!!!!!!!!!! nothing to worry abt...
k, my sis wanna use le.... so long~!
Monday, July 18, 2005
...
haven't been blogging much these days... cos, my life is finally back on track~!!! been giving tuition, along with going out... haha.... so, it's like computer time has decreased significantly... in addition, my sis has been using the com to do lots of school work, so i can't use... anyway, i got my new laptop~!!!! it's an IBM~!!! my uncle gave it to me... haha.... yupz~!!! don't have to fight over the computer at home....
i can eat normally next week le.... yay~!!! hopefully, will not gain back the weight that i've lost... even though the weight loss is not that noticeable, it's still a weight loss... my mum doesn't want me to eat normally yet, she's so afraid of me gaining the weight i have lost... when i mentioned running/jogging... she was horrified, she's afraid that my jaw would drop... haha, i would be careful... nevertheless, can't do anything physical now... in 2 more weeks... life would be normal~!!!
i've develped a grudging respect for my surgeon/dentist... she's aloof and arrogant.... but, she's nice sometimes, on rare times... so, i've come to really appreciate what a great job she has done.... most prob, cos, i'm recovering well.... haha..... i can be generous...
anyway, went for my sec sch's 45th aniversary dinner last saturday... met macy from cannel u's superstar... she's so pretty~!!!! the senior minister was the guest-of-honor.... the sch has done itself proud this time, inviting such a high-position guest.... can't really feel for him as his wife has said much pretty sucky stuff.... there was much memories stirring.... talked abt major class incidents.... it was so good, talking with farmiliar people, knowing where they go.... cool~!!!
sch's starting too... next week... kind of sianz... has to start studying too... the good times, aka as hols are coming to an end soon~!!! aargh~!!! welcome to the real world~!
i can eat normally next week le.... yay~!!! hopefully, will not gain back the weight that i've lost... even though the weight loss is not that noticeable, it's still a weight loss... my mum doesn't want me to eat normally yet, she's so afraid of me gaining the weight i have lost... when i mentioned running/jogging... she was horrified, she's afraid that my jaw would drop... haha, i would be careful... nevertheless, can't do anything physical now... in 2 more weeks... life would be normal~!!!
i've develped a grudging respect for my surgeon/dentist... she's aloof and arrogant.... but, she's nice sometimes, on rare times... so, i've come to really appreciate what a great job she has done.... most prob, cos, i'm recovering well.... haha..... i can be generous...
anyway, went for my sec sch's 45th aniversary dinner last saturday... met macy from cannel u's superstar... she's so pretty~!!!! the senior minister was the guest-of-honor.... the sch has done itself proud this time, inviting such a high-position guest.... can't really feel for him as his wife has said much pretty sucky stuff.... there was much memories stirring.... talked abt major class incidents.... it was so good, talking with farmiliar people, knowing where they go.... cool~!!!
sch's starting too... next week... kind of sianz... has to start studying too... the good times, aka as hols are coming to an end soon~!!! aargh~!!! welcome to the real world~!
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
pissed
i'm pissed... very.... received this sms this morning... asking me to do something that i did not even suggest... come on, u guys are the one whose planning this.... why give the responsibility to me?? did i even ask for this activity?? no, so don't think u r being very honourable or responsible... my foot.... and, u r just defusing responsibility.... don't preach when u can't do it... u just look stupid.... so what??
i'm pissed... with a lot things... very pissed
i'm pissed... with a lot things... very pissed
Saturday, July 09, 2005
a day
haven't been blogging for a few days.... been playing rollercoaster tycoon on an intensive basis... haha... guess that i'm just too bored~! why not go out?? hiaz... my mouth is still recovering.... my chin is still numb, can't really feel anything... going out makes me feel insecure in some ways... hence, the hesistation... i can't wait to be fully recovered so that i can go about my usual stuff.... been feeling down these few days... not something that i can control... perhaps it's the thoughts that i can't do normal stuff that gets me down... i must be normal~!! aargh~!!
anyways, my case is unimportant, compared to the cancer charity show i saw last week... this show touched me much more than the kidney one... perhaps, it's because i've lost an aunt to leukemia... someone whom i missed dearly.... the video clip on the children made me shed tears immediately... it's truly heart-wrenching.... gonna watch tomorrow, maybe i can see someone to support....
to someone: sometimes i truly wish u would stop terroising my grandma..... can't u take it that we owe u bloody nothing... so what if ur mom's in singapore..... why do u tell my grandma?? is it something to hide... in my eyes, u r nothing..... why do u think that u r some vip??? if anything happens to my grandma, I WILL NEVER FORGIVE U.... u will never read this... but i just can't bottle it up anymore... u better know ur place..... eat some shit...
to someone: please respect one's decision... that's a basic form of respect... get it??
ok, this entry sounds shitty... it's shitty...
anyways, my case is unimportant, compared to the cancer charity show i saw last week... this show touched me much more than the kidney one... perhaps, it's because i've lost an aunt to leukemia... someone whom i missed dearly.... the video clip on the children made me shed tears immediately... it's truly heart-wrenching.... gonna watch tomorrow, maybe i can see someone to support....
to someone: sometimes i truly wish u would stop terroising my grandma..... can't u take it that we owe u bloody nothing... so what if ur mom's in singapore..... why do u tell my grandma?? is it something to hide... in my eyes, u r nothing..... why do u think that u r some vip??? if anything happens to my grandma, I WILL NEVER FORGIVE U.... u will never read this... but i just can't bottle it up anymore... u better know ur place..... eat some shit...
to someone: please respect one's decision... that's a basic form of respect... get it??
ok, this entry sounds shitty... it's shitty...
Monday, July 04, 2005
day three
When I woke up the next day, I felt lonely... during the night, someone came to change my clothes... yeah... i was that helpless... anyway, didn't really have a good night's sleep... the nurses kept taking my temperature and blood pressure... it's their job, i guess, to make sure that i did not catch a fever which may fathom after the op...
i guess, it was around 8 plus in the morning... the 3 docs who operated on me came to visit me... the oxygen tube was taken away... but the urine bag was kept on... hehe... then, this stupid male nurse, inject something, i think it was meant to purge the clot blood out... what the heck, he didn't tell me what he was doing... when my body jerk up and down, abt 5 times violently, i was wondering what is wrong with me... so irritating... it was a real scare!!!!
dad came in the morning to visit me... was glad... in need of company.... anyways, i had to go visit one of the assisting surgeon... he cut of some tube from me... think it was meant to keep the blood flowing out.... then, he taught me how to swallow from the syringe, which is to be my eating instrument for the past 3 weeks... milk, milk and more milk`!!!! in addition, i can't talk... sianz... so sianz..... anyway, had enough of the operation things... gonna talk abt my thoughts tmr...
just wanna add something... thank you HUI QI~!!!! she is unable to go for the check-up but agreed to accompany me~!! thanks~!! luv ya... muacks~!!!!!!
i guess, it was around 8 plus in the morning... the 3 docs who operated on me came to visit me... the oxygen tube was taken away... but the urine bag was kept on... hehe... then, this stupid male nurse, inject something, i think it was meant to purge the clot blood out... what the heck, he didn't tell me what he was doing... when my body jerk up and down, abt 5 times violently, i was wondering what is wrong with me... so irritating... it was a real scare!!!!
dad came in the morning to visit me... was glad... in need of company.... anyways, i had to go visit one of the assisting surgeon... he cut of some tube from me... think it was meant to keep the blood flowing out.... then, he taught me how to swallow from the syringe, which is to be my eating instrument for the past 3 weeks... milk, milk and more milk`!!!! in addition, i can't talk... sianz... so sianz..... anyway, had enough of the operation things... gonna talk abt my thoughts tmr...
just wanna add something... thank you HUI QI~!!!! she is unable to go for the check-up but agreed to accompany me~!! thanks~!! luv ya... muacks~!!!!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)