overwhelmed!!

hey hey... haha... i'm super overwhelmed today!! firstly, i passed my econs!! ok, they moderated it so that i can get a D... but, without moderation, i still passed!! haha!! i'm super relieved... when i was doing the paper, i was thinking that i would passed... yeah... haha, jo was shocked by my remarks... i got a 6/20 for my DRQ... so, i was saying "how can they give me 6??" haha... jo was like "what did u say?" haha... funny!! i'm so glad!! yeah!! first time, i passed econs!!

history was rather disappointing... ms ng gave me 58 for her paper, which i studied hard and soul for it!! hiaz, but it's alright... my source-based sucks, which serves me rite cos i didn't study for it... haha... she projected that i will get at least a B... hmm, i must try to get an A... i must lah, i must not disappoint her and myself... hiaz... i think mark lo's mad, he gave me 62, it's like, out of the blue... haha... it's nice though... i must try to get A!!

haha... it's a nice day though... me, ailin, jo, xiuz and biquan went to lido for lunch... ate long john's... hee!! quite nice....

zhao xiu: we love u mah... haha!!

just a last note... the prelims are not As, dun fret, just study hard and i believe we can do well together!!

"1st" day of sch...

how should i say this?? haha, ms chan gave out the maths paper 2 first... i got a D for that... kind of expected it... haha.... hiaz, life's like that... however, when she gave out paper 1, i didn't dare to look at it at first... i thought that since my paper 2 was badly done, paper 1 will be not fantastic... when i ventured a peek, i was stunned... seriously... i got 80!! haha... i told ms chan that i was stunned!! i am... haha!! i'm glad that my hard work paid off... hiaz, for paper 2, it was a sad case... i know where i went wrong... that's the stupid thing... hiaz, i must try to do equally well... it's achievable... hee!!

hiaz, i failed by a little for GP compre... got 23.5/50... hiaz, mrs tan said i've improved for a paper like this... i must consult her more often... it's a serious problem... GP is like the main link for everything... i can't afford to fail... hiaz, it's such a downer... luckily, i did not feel particularly down, because i took the results after maths... haha... compre suxs man... haha... hiaz...

i'm trying to be calm and composed in meeting all kinds of people... i must not get angry or sad, just not a hint of any feelings... in that way, i will walk around with a protective barrier... thus, i will not get hurt... too bad, i'm that sensitive... can i succeed?? it's working so far... hiaz, i just realised that whatever u do to people, people will do it to u... it's like what's happening to others will befall u eventually... it's called retribution... what i did to others is now happening to me... so, i must protect myself... silly?? yes... hiaz...

i'm praying that the rest of the results are alright... haiz... must be alright... hee!!

dodgeball

the five Ds to playing dodgeball - dodge, duck, dip, something and dodge... haha... forget... it's like life isn't it? people like to run away from things, pretending that nothing has happened, so that it's easier to move on... but, is it? personally, i don't think so, but that's what people do anyway... hiaz, i guess, it's always better to think that nothing has gone on.... i like to confront things, but, i'm never the aggressor... guess that i lack the guts... so, in a nutshell, what am i gonna do? well, what can i do?? pretend? it's not difficult... but then, when the cut is so deep, like my aunt's, pretending is not easy... nevertheless, i will try... sometimes, people like to shrug it off with a whatever... am i like that? well, i like to think not, but i am, have never managed to get over the bad habit... so, i'm gonna practise the 5 Ds of dodgeball... i've always done that...

anyway, enough said. hiaz, i almost couldn't wake up and wanted to skip the whole thing altogether... haha, i've been sleeping late and warm for the past 5 days or so... hiaz, gonna miss it, must sleep early tonight!! haha!! hiaz, the course was quite interesting and engaging... the instructor was funny, not to mention, quite cute, he reminded me of a guy called shawn in sch... luckily, it was not boring, otherwise, i would have fallen asleep... haha... the makeup course was quite interesting... vainpot mah... haha... it was alright... didn't know there's so much stuff to do before putting the make-up on... wow, must protect my otherwise "holed" skin... hee!!

guess that my classmates are enjoying the class bbq now... i appreciate those who are caljoing me into going... sorry, i need some peace and quiet... something's bothering me... hope u have a nice time!! haha!!

went to causeway point to watch dodgeball... it's funny and real silly... made me laugh... although, there's no one to share with, it was nice to laugh... haha... hiaz, my dear twin sis has been going on about her projects, to fren's hse and all that, gosh, i miss her, despite her wearing my clothes with my permission... it's so boring at home... now, that my mum is working, nobody to talk crap with me... hiaz... life's like that, never perfect... haha...

hope my aunty's better, lucky gal, got mc, but never would i want to be hurt like that!!

tomorrow's getting back results, hopefully, it's not as worse as i imagine...

seriously pissed.

is it my fault that u feel deprived?? is it my fault that u have problems?? is it my fault that u can't find other alternatives?? i hate selfish people... everything is about themselves... i must be the one to help.... why can't they understand that i need my peace and quiet?? well, i totally understand now... i've been so totally stupid... i should not have bare my feelings so easily... what do i get in the end?? a backlash... wow, i feel so totally disgusted... u know what, whatever, just whatever... it's really not worth it, learn from the expert, don't, don't i mean, don't ever invest ur feelings in anything so easily... what the heck... i'm like that, alright?? i've been always like that... i've given out warnings... i'm just like that... do i change? i tried... and the thing is, it's been unappreciated... whatever, just whatever...

i've been selfish, i give very little in terms of feelings... but the thing is. it probably doesn't matter. we are brought up differently... out parents have different rules... u just don't understand... did u try? everything is about ur opinions and everything... i accepted it, u know why, that's what frens are for?? whatever, it doesn't matter... frenships, it's just a mockery... i've tested and tried everything... i hate it when i'm proven right... whatever...

it's just a piss-off session for me. not meant to offend.

collateral

i woke up as usual, preparing for a mundane day ahead... i swept the floor, hang out the laundry, wash my pink bum bag, some new clothes... i was feeling ver accomplished!! then i watched collateral... hmm... tom cruise died in the end... i couldn't really feel the excitement, most prob due to the confinement of the TV... nevertheless, i quite enjoy the show, it revolves around a cab... kind of new and refreshing from the usual cat-and-mouse action movies...

hmm... i ate maggie mee for lunch at about 1 plus... with egg!! haven eaten egg for a long time... haha... it's not bad... hee!! then, i settled down to watch the next movie, the bourne supremacy... not long after, just right after the galfren of jason was killed and he was framed for an assassin job, the phone rang... it was my maternal grandma(ah mah)... she was talking in an excited voice... apparently, my aunt has fallen down while at her workplace... she wants me to accompany her to see my aunt at the hospital (NUH)... hiaz, there goes my pleasant day at home...

well, i took the fastest bath in my entire life... in 10 mins, i managed to wash my hair too!! haha... then, i went to meet my ah mah and took a cab there... at the hospital, i waited for the longest wait of my life... i think it was 2 hours later before my aunt was wheeled in to see the doc...

ohmigod... the wound was so freaking deep... i saw my aunt wincing and i could not help but wince with her... eeks... it was eeks... i really pity her... there were also bruises on her arms where she fell... so poor thing... soon she went to stitch her wounds up... by the time she came out, it was already 5 plus... with the cab waiting and everytime, we reached home at abt 7... hiaz, she vomitted on the cab... she's also not very nice... i asked her to help my ah mah to strap the seat belt, she just concentrated on chatting on the phone... so bad... says she has a headache... whateva, so selfish... then, before she vomitted, she said, oh, i feel very bad, i feel very difficult... actually, i also hate taking the taxis, it's so smelly and never fails to give me a headache... *shudders*

haha... what a waste... i didn't get to go jogging... 2 days... i feel fat!! hiaz, it was raining yesterday... i feel kinda sad... haha... nevermind, maybe i can go tomorrow... i must try to watch the bourne supremacy to the end!!

hiaz, hafta go back to sch tomorrow, am dreading it... i enjoy the few days i have!! hiaz, all good things must end one day, i guess... there's a class bbq tomorrow, not going... made my plans early before... sorry guys...

hiaz, dun like sch...

brother bear

apparently i can insert an enrty, but i can't read my blog... kind of funny... hiaz... been reading yoke's blog... since she doesn't have a tagboard, shall type my msg to her here... hey dear, doesn't know what to say doesn't equals to nothing to say, it just means that sometimes people need their peace and quiet... frens will understand ur need for a moment to urself, there's no constant need to yak, yar?? haha...

hiaz, i've just watch brother bear with my cousin... my aunt and uncle went to watch mama mia and left my cousin in my care... kids are cute for a short while... haha... it's quite tiring... finally, she's sleeping now, so i can do my own stuff... brother bear is not bad, i like red indian stuff... but then, i didn't like the ending... the human chooses to remain as a bear... i really don't like the ending... haven't watch cartoons for a long time... haha...

i guess, post-exams is not exactly fun cos i have the lingering feeling that the 'A's are just round the corner... there' no real peace... stupid... haha... just take it as it is...

swimming...

today's a very tired day... went swimming with pei shan at my aunt's house... then, we went shopping at j8... never felt so liberated and so at ease... we talk crap, silly, all sorts of things... yar, she bought me stickers, full of heart shapes... yar, i know they represent ur love... hee!! thanks dear!! we had much fun!! must meet soon!! hope u did not fall asleep during yoga!! haha!!

hmm, my mum didn't cook dinner today... don't know whether it's a blessing or a bad thing... the stuff she cooks is nice but it's not nice if she repeats it frequently... haha... anyway, there's only me and my mum at home now... my dad is out with sec sch classmates, my sis is at a fren's hse doing project... my young sis is watching mama mia!! talking abt mama mia, i wanna watch!! i hope i can find someone to accompany me!! it sounds nice and not that ex!!

hiaz, there's really nothing to do... my mum will absolutely scream at me if i keep going out!! the paradox it, liberated yet chained at home... haha... i don't wanna go back to sch... it's so boring!! i can't wait for the 'A's to be over... really...

ok, just heard this song on the radio, it's very realistic... here goes...

avril lavigne - losing grip

Are you aware of what
You make me feel, baby
Right now I feel invisible to you
Like I'm not real
Didn't you feel me lock my arms around you
Why'd you turn away
Here's what I have to say

I was left to cry there
Waiting outside there
Grinning with a lost stare
That's when I decided

Chorus
Why should I care
Cause you weren't there
When I was scaed
I was so alone
You need to listen I'm startin to trip
I'm losing my grip
And I'm in this thing alone

Am I just some chick
You placed beside you
To take somebody's place
When you turn around
Can you recognize my face
You used to love me
You used to hug me
But that wasn't the case everything wasn't ok

I was left to cry there
Waiting outside there
Grinning with a lost stare
That's when I decided...

Chorus

Crying out loud I'm crying out loud
Crying out loud I'm crying out loud
Open your eyes
Open up wide

Chorus