had just been thinking abt some things, was packing my room where i came across some postcards. it really made me wonder abt promises that people has made, feelings people had at a point in time. and then, i realise, how easily these things can change... u have always thought that things will not divert from the original course by a lot, but they can. promises made can break. and then, u wonder, how much can u really trust people to stand by u. well, thoughts, i'm sure grown-ups will think. in the sense that, u think more about stuff right now...

anyway, it's the hols, really shouldn't put too much thoughts into negative stuff... am enjoying life right now!! going shopping again! at chinatown tomorrow... gonna get stuff for the trip. in the process, maybe get some stuff for myself! haiz, need to lose weight so that i can fit into those nice clothes. admit it gals, who wouldn't want a better body... haha...

okay, gotta start planning for my bday soon!! =)

it's been econs since i've last blogged. well, i've been quite busy lately, with many things to talk about!! so, i'm gonna blogg properly today!! =)

it's been a whirlwind week after the exams.... phew, the last paper ended on a wednesday. after that, met huiqi and hwee min, where we went to jp to have dinner first. i remembered, after much persuasion, we managed to request huiqi to stay up later! hwee min then drove us to the hilltop area near jurong island. the view was magnificient!! i loved it very much! talked alot, and i really enjoy the time very much. seldom do i really get to meet up with long-time frens, whom i know, will be there for me no matter what. thanks guys...! after that, hwee min drove me home, with the help of her mum of course. haha, the poor gal, she didn't know the way to my house... nevertheless, i made it home, and slept very late of course... hee...

the next day, wasn't worth mentioning very much, i had meeting. enough said i think... haha...

i had something on on friday. hmm, ahz, i remembered! went for a gruelling 6 hr kbox session. wah, it was quite nice, though, we need more singers. haha. after that, we went to vivocity for dinner with the uni pals. my first time there, if i wasn't that tired, i would most probably had appreciate the environment better. i like candy empire though, nice place to purchase gifts for people. bought nice biscuits for family!!

okay, i look like i am reiterating what i have been doing, well, i really want to remember the wonderful memories i have. i'm such a forgetful gal, and i might forget things easily!!

saturday, is the usual piano lessons, really missed piano lessons quite a bit, the music lessons are getting challenging right now. so, i really must perform my best!!!

sunday, the original plan was simply just to go catch casino royale with ym, a movie that i really wanted to watch for a long time! alas, it was not meant to be. the tickets were sold out, and we watched flag of our fathers in the end. i loved the movie! it contained lots of history admist all the gory fighting scenes. it really takes a picture to tell what people want to see, hear or believe. after that, i went to sentosa!!!!

it was one of the best days of my life. i went with my aunty and her family, upon her request of course. =) nothing much happened the first day, as it was already quite late when i met them. i went to watch the musical fountain!! i've loved the musical fountain since young, rather have much of an affinity with it. been there a couple of times, and i never fail to catch it! loved the beautiful formations! the next day, went for the luge ride, must really thank my uncle for it! after that, my cousins went swimming while i watched over them for a little while. went to play pool with my uncle after that and i won! haha, play table soccer, which was really fun too! i think i enjoyed this particular day very much, it's due to the fact i'm hanging around the kids, and they really bring out the fun in u. u have lesser inhibitions, and u really let go. perhaps, have been feeling really down the previous days before, so, really enjoyed this particular day of just pure fun. went to dian xiao er to eat finally! courtesy of my uncle of course... =) nice nice food!!

crash! after all the fun, it's back to reality... had the ntu biz plan competition camp. before i go into that, must mention my first time having steam boat at marina! it was quite a nice experience for a first time. went there with yoke, yoke's roomie and peishan. it was pouring literally, but we had a nice van to drive us there. i killed a prawn! feeling real guilty abt that, well, feeling quite alright i guess. just that it was an experience that i'm not likely to forget for a long long time... hopefully, i have another opportunity to go there! cos it's usually with family members that u pig out! haha!!

the next day was the camp. well, nothing much to say, except that it was a super slack camp!! the kids i was supposed to "look after" were from nj... well, okay, it was quite nice, except that i could have done a better job after making such a gross mistake!!! but then, their attitude was rather attitude, so, yeah. okay lah, just take it for the experience i guess... came out knowing more people, that's more important ain't it? for networking purposes... haha...

glad that the camp was over... went out many days after that!! especially today!! went shopping with my aunties, sis and cousins! got a guess jeans.... and i absolutely love my aunties to bits! together with my grandma (ah mah)!! they bought me my first diamond for my 21st bday! love them to bits!! muacks! muacks!!!! i love them very much and thank them for looking after me all this while!!!

so, that's about how i spent my days since the exams... haha, going to genting and KL next week... hmm, better enjoy myself before the results and semester starts! next, gonna plan for my bday!! hee, should be fun!! happy hols!

damn. i shld be studying yet i'm on the com!! aargh! no matter what, i will study finish... =)

hmm.... running away is so easy ain't it? well, i guess it's the most foolproof plan of all. running away means that u don't actually have to face whatever u don't want to face. well, such excuses can be even thought by u to such an extent. okay, since u are a coward, i grant u your wish. let's just stay away from one another. why make things so difficult. since u find it such a chore, that such an effort is needed to communicate with me. forget it.... everyone one is selfish, i'm no exception. in anything, whatever that i have put into, i need some returns too. that's just only fair. it's really a simple case of things being left too long. and then, it turn stagnant, leaving only emptiness in what was actually a beautiful beginning. well, life's too short for any of us to dwell on anything for far too long. move on... u already have. i already have. i guess, the only remaining to do is simply just to forget it. it makes things much easier.

people are strange. some things warrant more thoughts, they just pretend. on stupid things, they actually dwell on it.... weird...

okay, back to studying!!! focus!!

i've changed. i realise that these few days. perhaps, this change is not the kind where u suddenly realise that wow, i've changed. but rather, through experiences this year. is it a good or bad change? well, i don't know. a coin has to sides, and this is no exception. perhaps, when the effects of the change are more pronounced, will i then announce a verdict i guess...

just hope that things at home will be fine... haiz. don't understand why, it's everytime during exams that things happen.... =(

2nd entry for the day. i can't help but want to say some suff... why are people so afraid to admit their weaknesses? why do people purposely avoid your questions?? why are people so afraid to see what they really are? why...?

i thought love is suppose to make a person better. instead it made u turn away from the fundamentals where u are from... it doesn't make u a better person, instead, it seemed to have turn u into something worse. i'm disappointed. perhaps, i have to understand that not everyone is like me, who understands that underlying everything, how u come into the world, how u have been brought up, couldn't have been totally attributed to u only.

u are the one who was so valiant and brave in protecting your own beliefs and statements. however, when it actually comes down to doing what u say, u are actually a coward. u bully, say and do spiteful things. when someone is angry or pissed, u do stuff back, but rationally. however, u spite. i really hope u can see underneath all the makeup u are really just this kind of person. yes, that is what i can see. well, if u firmly believe that u have what it takes to mete out punishments of your own merit, what u believe, then good for u. one point to note, love doesn't always make u someone better.

u know why it is sometimes so very difficult to make someone say something? u actually ask a very simple and direct question. the kind that merits no complexitiy in answer. yet, people always evade u to answer.... and then, the result? you are labelled as someone who in simple words, who tend to have their own beliefs abt something. i understand why is it tiring. things to me, are very simple. just ask, get the answer, problem solved. others just want to make things difficult, then evade, in the end, more issues and problems crop up. perhaps, i'm just not in a very good mood right now. i just want to vent alright. really, why does things always turn out like that. sometimes, u want to be understood. sometimes u just want to understand. must there be such a game to play? i really don'y understand.

yes, i'm in a bad mood...

the first thing that i thought when i did the acc2 paper was that the topics are familiar. where, the topics that i study relatively well and in-depth were familiar and that logically speaking, i should be able to answer. i thought i did too. for the first time, u know the topic, u know what to do. yet, i was at a loss.... don't even really know what to do. and the feeling gets heavier and heavier, the idea that something is wrong. it's the first time i ever had such a feeling towards a paper. damn. and i really gave my best. it's to the extent that i felt like crying halfway. i just hope now that what i gave was really my best. pls, just let me pass.....

am i really that untrustable... whenever there's good news, i find it hard to contain it within myself... i just have the urge to share it. that's not really an excuse i guess. but to me, i never really thought of hiding one thing from another, because, simply, we are family, and to me, there should be no secrets between family members. i just gather this is something that others can't understand. i should not hope for others to understand at all, because, it's just too complex.... and i should just understand that family members should aid one another in treating one another like strangers... just understand them... i do... so maybe i should really just learn to keep my mouth shut....

there are many instances whereby i question myself. how much i can keep to myself, how much i tell others. i think i can justify for myself in this way. i share alot with people. i have this ability to really just talk abt myself and get others to talk abt themselves. so, to me, i don't really think we have to purposely hide things. this is probably incongruent with what most people think... they have some part of themselves that they want to hide... i should learn to understand that too... haiz, really, in life, we have to learn alot from others... to help in learning ourselves more....

i keep... no, i can't help but think a little of what this period would be.... sometimes, when i look at u, i can't help but think that all of this should belong to me. not a very long time ago, it did belong to me. and i know, u did not take it away. the blame, if there really is any, is that i was being taken for granted and unappreciated. even if i'm not, i can't help but wonder, will i still have all that belong to me in the first place. or subsequently, it will all be slowly but surely drained away... are all relationships like that? when someone finds someone to replace u? u will just be a distant part of someone's memory, or not even at all. it's so scary, how people can be so easily replaceable. i've always beg to differ from yoke's point... i believe that not everyone can be replaceable. but often then late, i keep having these thoughts... i can't help but think forget it, why bother to mend a distant and broken relationship. is it really worth it? don't know... really tired....

haiz. i must adhere to my studying timetable. i must not let a repeat of today happen again. must do my best for the rest of the papers.... all the best to everyone...!

seldom am i at a loss on what to blog... haha.... after thinking for a while, i've decided what to talk abt... and no, not gonna start with the exams... =)

so, i was rather taken aback when my younger sis commented on my msn nick, which in other words, was proclaiming my singlehood and independence.... she asked me to remove it, saying that i'm announcing it to the whole world. my first reaction was, so? i was not overtly concerned abt what others may think abt it... so, this comes to my main point. i suddenly realise that i've never thought much abt how others might think of me. in a personal capacity that is. i mean, life's really short, and having to encompass all that others are thinking abt u, ain't it very tiring?

the truth is, i do care very much so abt who might think of me, which is only applicable to ppl whom i care very much abt. and what they say do affect me very much, it also depends on what issues that is. the people who affect me the most are my parents.... after that, not many people can affect me on to a large extent. especially with what they say. issues, they do... however, after a while, when it gets repetitive, it also loses it's impact rather quickly.....

perhaps, that is why so, i'm quite a happy-go-lucky person. i let go of things relatively fast. well, things to do with my love life, i don't really get over it that quickly though. haha, channelling the wrong energies in the wrong places i guess... well, i'm kind of glad of the way i treat and deal with issues... not letting things affect me is quite a good way. however, my advice is not to let too many things not affect u, because, after a while, u realise it takes a lot to rock the boat in the sea. and when things do shake me, they shake really hard. the imapct is more than what u can take... yupz, so, moderate things i guess... haha...

so, the exams... i'm slacking too much already. right now, i should be studying!!! help! well, i'm gonna try my best to finish as much as possible. if only i'm not so easily distracted by people!!!! always talking when i should be studying!! haha....

hopefully, i can watch superstar tonight. but i don't think so! so much stuff not done... i'll see how it goes i guess.... i must do well!!! stop playing!!!