it's such a lazy day!! just refused to get out of bed!! haha... yes, gotta start studying soon... but just let me enjoy my morning first... =) watching mtv at you tube!! haha...

had a nice time with yoke yesterday at can 2 after the paper... we hadn't talk in ages... for the rest of the paper, we must all try our best okay!

okay.... i've watching too much videos... forgot what i wanna blog... haha... come back later...

okay, the topic that i will start first will be of course, about the upcoming exams... haha.... just hope that i study finish what i intend to. and seriously, pray that everything stays in my head! haha... really can't wait for it to be over man....

okay... what shall i talk abt today... hmm, perhaps, about family i guess... these few days of studying at home actually foster stronger relation between my dad and i... haha... gratified in a way, as it shows that my dad and i are not that far apart as i thought... no matter what, i do appreciate my parents... a lot, sometimes, in the asian context, we do not show how much we love them and how much they love us, we must be sure that they do... too bad, they are my parents... haha....

quite happy in a way, that my thoughts nowadays are mainly focused to getting the information in my head... however, other thoughts do creep in here and then... or more specifically, i will think of thoughts during last semester, during this period... luckily, those thoughts float away relatively fast, or i will seriously die for not being focused enough! haha... many thoughts also tend to drift inside me.. well, perhaps, will address it when i have more time to articulate out carefully what i want to say....

guess what?! u never know how much tv shows are actually interesting when u start watching them... haha, well, i'm a miracle ain't i? watching shows during exam period... haha.... sometimes, think i slack far too much... well, the time is already spent, no point crying over split milk... was watching prison break today... didn't realise that it's very nice! will try to catch it after exams... then with superstar! omg! i love it!!! talents are great this time round and i hope i can learn more songs... haha...

okay... back to studying i guess... =(

=) for it to end so soon!!!

it's always at this time of the night that i really feel like calling it a day and just go to sleep. however, i remeber that i really have tons of studying that doesn't seem to subside any moment that i try to study and hope that everything goes in... studies, don't know whether i've put in enough or not, but i'll certainly do my best... my most feared subject is surprise surprise, acc2, and i really hope i muster enough confidence and not just the usual slack attitude which usually result in a grade that is below expectations. or worse, passing grade. just that, i must know that i know... something like that... haha...

sometimes it's really hard when u are caught in the middle of things. for instance, u say u can't trust me on this, i was like, what the heck, what do u want me to do? selfish, that is what i call u. if u don't want to tell me, let me know, it's really fine. ultimately, u want me to support u, and the end result? things that u do not want to hear. so, after that, i'm guilty of giving u the wrong information? in either ways, i'll be labeled something. why not then, look into yourself, whether u are living a lie or not? if u really is fine with that, then, u learn to live with it. because, u will get punished sooner or later. at the expense of family? selfish. u always think of yourself, how the whole damn world has did something to u. what abt u yourself? what have u done that is so great and that is needed to be jotted down in history books? ask yourself this, before u start blaming the whole world for every single thing. u are just plain selfish.

i'm really sick at how things go round sometimes. fine, u don't trust me. wth. and u expect things to go on as usual, u can probably do that, but i can't, becuase i can't stand liars. u want me to be on your side or whatever, i'm just your sister. hope that u are rational enough to know what is right or wrong. no one has betrayed u alright. it's just how things work out sometimes. and if u insist on persisting in something that u know has no future. good luck again, u need it to fight the war.

i will do well in my studies! i will do well in my exams! i will, because, simply, i have to...

it really has been a long long time since i last blogged.... properly blogged... well, not for any particular reasons, just that, don't think that anyone wanna read abt my preparation for exams, or rather the lack of it... haha... so far, been feeling relatively quite calm abt studies, albeit, lagging. i'm still hopeful that i can finish studying everything. well, i have come up with a contingency plan, which is to not really sleep much during the exams when it start next monday. haha, well i survive it? when i have been sleeping much too much!! haha...

okay, truth to be said, my mind is not really on my studies. i have some stuff bothering me and really, for once, it's not abt that person. surprise surprise...

i have always been rather careful to seem as though i'm not making someone functional or that i'm using them. to me, i don't want that to be the intention or anything, because, that is certainly not mine. however, it cannot really be helped since many a time, it will be seen as though the situation is such. perhaps, i'm sensitive, or not? i have been made used of by people and therefore has swore not to towards anyone. i'm really sorry if i have portrayed such intentions or even behaviour, it's really sucky.... sometimes, it's beyond my comprehension that everyone's thoughts seem to wander wildy and seems to settle far too much on the negative. i think simply, perhaps, in this event, i hurt people. i don't think until things happen. or i take action when things do actually happen. i just hope it's not too late and that people who care and understand will welcome my wrongdoings with a generous heart? thank you dears...

sometimes, or often than not, i've always thought abt isolation, loneliness, abandonment. these thoughts are plauging me very often nowadays. more than i care too admit. i don't understand why i let this insecurity come into me... perhaps, i'm really fearful of riverting back to the old me, riverting back to the old days, or simply, i'm afraid to be alone. i don't know, and i don't really want to question it. will i survive? probably i think. i have always been a surivior, sort of, fighter, sort of? i think, even though, i might not react fast enough, time will always aid any adaption process?

haiz, i really don't wish for any stuff to come between us. it's really like volcanoes, not knowing when things will erupt, a time-bomber, not knowing when it will explode. everywhere, everyone, it seems like i'm always on a high. is it that i give this kind of feeling to people? the instability? that i'm gonna run away on them anytime. the fear of trusting me anymore? hurt, yes, i am... but i'll cope with it too.

more often now, even when i'm surrounded by people, i find myself walking alone. thoughts of resentment are supposed to infiltrate me, but none came. am i that accepting of things? or perhaps, i've stop fighting for a losing war? that, things, will be like that. it's not that everyone's changing, it's just that i've not changed enough to fit the changing environment? i hope not, i can and i will adapt.... i refuse to see that i'm alone. because, i'm that stubborn, or delusional.... =)

dear yoke, jiayou okay... seldom talk to u because i'm seldom online.... no matter what, hope u are not stressed out and you can do it!! all the best!!

dear peishan, miss u lots! call me after exams and we exercise! good luck!

dear hui qi and hwee min, thanks for the encouragement, we'll play manz, that's the promise!!

okay, hope that my nose is better so that i can study with eyes wide open!!! and probably go running too... cheers!

it's been a damn long time since i've last blogged... haha... well, nothing much has been happening except for the upcoming exams. which i think, cannot be considered as something exciting...? unless someone begs to differ...? anyone? haha, okay, been pretty lame...

anyway, celebrating jm's bday tmr... yoke, it's really for u manz... =)

haha... hope to have some fun tmr... pls, no studying?

perhaps, much thoughts to blog about, but they have been left on paper somewhere... hmmz. so that's abt it, i guess...?

jiayou everyone...!

have u ever wondered what ppl are saying abt u? haha, for me, i usually talk abt others, more so, abt cute guys... so, ya.... good things, bad things? doesn't really matter. but it'll be really interesting to know what they are saying right? well, for stuff that i don't really wanna know, then heck. but sometimes, the playful side of me do really wanna know... kpo mahz... haha...

anyway, gonna mug at woodlands library indefinitely... so, anyone wanna join me, let me know alright? haha.. cheeers... good luck for exams everyone!!

from today onwards, i'm gonna stop questioning, stop asking and stop wondering abt worthless things. i've found my inner peace abt 2 days ago.... and i'm glad i did. God is true. other things are not. that is what i believe.