i guess the first few days of cny is over, yet there's nothing abt it~! haha... hmm, nothing much though, the usual stuff.... went to paula ubin on the second day~! it was a fun trip... sorta gambled for the first time during cny... yeah, i've never gambled on cny before... erm, strict upbringing?? haha...
went to watch finding neverland with yoke yesterday which also happens to be valentine's day~! u see, we are each other's soul mate~! haha... it was a nice show... the set was damn nice~! i think it's a nice show to learn some things... not to be afraid of persuing one's imagination, learning to be truthful to the kids.... kids are not stupid.... they are the most astute observers... hmm, i like the setting which is in the 1930s... the costumes are just fabulous~! the acting is great too~!
found out more abt yoke's stuff... hmm, i guess nothing's that easy... just glad that i'm not embroiled in one.... really feel sorry for u.... in that sense....
my mom's amgry with my sis... sianz, i'm always caught in the middle, to pass angry msgs to my sis.... sianz.... hiaz....
glad to be able to talk to layz.... at least we are keeping in contact~!
yoke.... hope to cya soon~!
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
HAPPY CNY~!
i've just completedm my stint with APB... i guess, i'm relieved to a certain extent, that is i don't have to breathe in any more ciagrette smoke while promoting in the tent... i don't have to wake up thinking that oh my, another day of working... nevertheless, there is much to me missed, when i left woodlands sheng siong yesterday... the sadness hit me so suddenly, that i thought i would tear.... but, haha, i did not... not really the emotional type... there is a sense of loss though...
what was a bad start, in my opinion, was that i was not expected, giving me the feeling that i wasn't wanted in the store.... as time passes by, the closeness of the people working together has spread to me... well, almost 80% of the workers there are malaysians, but, they are very friendly to me.... asking me whether, i have eaten.... the guys, well, xiao3 di4, they are called, only talking to me at the last few days... it's real amusing to see people getting to know one another.... they worked well together, and it's just wonderful to find people enjoying their work... in addition, my supervisor, eileen from APB, she's just wonderful, fun and funky, treating me to dinner and always asking me whether i'm tired and all... haha, it's just that i've started to get used to working that asking me not to work is kinda strange... i've to admit, sales is not really my forte and and that this is not really an intelligent using kind of job... BUT, meeting lots and really lots of singaporeans, they are real ugly.... i mean, i wonder, am i like them? i hope not, but it's really sad to see people behaving like that... it's difficult to elaborate as in general, singaporeans are real cheapo!! nevertheless, there are nice uncles, who ask politely... there's 2 sides to it.... hee~!
there's a funny experience... when i first started there, on my very 1st day, i have to look for the store manager.... then, i asked alot of workers, but they just asked me to wait around... fortunately, one guy helped me even though i only asked him once.... since that time he helped me, i've developed a mini crush on him... he's not shuai4 by the way... haha... however, i think he's attached, cos i saw him, which i think it's him, didn't see clearly, holding hands with another girl... haha`! anyway, won't see him again... haha... interesting, working in a store... hiaz... my love life is real empty... to the extent of developing crushes on strangers.... haha.... it's ok, what is to be will be...
hmm.... that's another chapter closed in my life.... sad but looking forward to moving on.... gonna eat renuion dinner soon~! yay~! happy chinese new year to all~!!!!
what was a bad start, in my opinion, was that i was not expected, giving me the feeling that i wasn't wanted in the store.... as time passes by, the closeness of the people working together has spread to me... well, almost 80% of the workers there are malaysians, but, they are very friendly to me.... asking me whether, i have eaten.... the guys, well, xiao3 di4, they are called, only talking to me at the last few days... it's real amusing to see people getting to know one another.... they worked well together, and it's just wonderful to find people enjoying their work... in addition, my supervisor, eileen from APB, she's just wonderful, fun and funky, treating me to dinner and always asking me whether i'm tired and all... haha, it's just that i've started to get used to working that asking me not to work is kinda strange... i've to admit, sales is not really my forte and and that this is not really an intelligent using kind of job... BUT, meeting lots and really lots of singaporeans, they are real ugly.... i mean, i wonder, am i like them? i hope not, but it's really sad to see people behaving like that... it's difficult to elaborate as in general, singaporeans are real cheapo!! nevertheless, there are nice uncles, who ask politely... there's 2 sides to it.... hee~!
there's a funny experience... when i first started there, on my very 1st day, i have to look for the store manager.... then, i asked alot of workers, but they just asked me to wait around... fortunately, one guy helped me even though i only asked him once.... since that time he helped me, i've developed a mini crush on him... he's not shuai4 by the way... haha... however, i think he's attached, cos i saw him, which i think it's him, didn't see clearly, holding hands with another girl... haha`! anyway, won't see him again... haha... interesting, working in a store... hiaz... my love life is real empty... to the extent of developing crushes on strangers.... haha.... it's ok, what is to be will be...
hmm.... that's another chapter closed in my life.... sad but looking forward to moving on.... gonna eat renuion dinner soon~! yay~! happy chinese new year to all~!!!!
Thursday, February 03, 2005
hiaz
this is my second entry of the day... trying to make up for lost time? the time when i was working? who cares, cos i'm damn pissed~!!! i hate APB aka asia pacific brewries... and recruit express... damn them~! first, they had a quarrel with sheng siong, like it's my fault?? then, i was sent to freaking far expo~! i don't mind, i like the environment there.
the agency was so damn nice when the assistant manager called me.... siim ann, i need help, can go expo? now, it's just that i don't work on thursdays, told them before, bloody idoits, inefficient like shit, don't want to take note, not my problem. now, come down and take the guinness shirt, u are going back sheng siong tmr... what the hell~!
whateva, i hope tiger beer sales sux.... i don't care. yeah, want me to go expo cos i can talk and sell quite alright, now, it's ur prob... go die....
whateva lor. working for ppl, gotta see face... shit lar....
the agency was so damn nice when the assistant manager called me.... siim ann, i need help, can go expo? now, it's just that i don't work on thursdays, told them before, bloody idoits, inefficient like shit, don't want to take note, not my problem. now, come down and take the guinness shirt, u are going back sheng siong tmr... what the hell~!
whateva, i hope tiger beer sales sux.... i don't care. yeah, want me to go expo cos i can talk and sell quite alright, now, it's ur prob... go die....
whateva lor. working for ppl, gotta see face... shit lar....
life's smooth for now~!
i wanna thanks all u guys for the support and love given to me~! i have to apologise for something. i have something wrong with my javascript, so, i'm unable to reply on my tagboard. similarly, i can't tag ur tagboard too... sorry, i'll try to fix it~! hee, thanks~! once again, love ya~!
my grandma is being discharged today`! the doctor wanted to insert some sort of thing into her heart... anyway, i'm not that sure about the details, just that she can come home for the new year! yeah~!
the next major thing, that's really is stupid, is that my phone bill has expolded~!!! aargh~! i don't know what really happened, i talked too much?? haha, i have to control then~! it's a an amt~!! luckily, my mum didn't scold me like she usually does... perhaps she's in a good mood?? haha... that's good~!
i'm now working at expo~! hmm, long hours, good pay, good sales~! hey yoke, sheng siong has beckoned~! haha, good for u~! i really love working at expo, good working partner, good environment, free food to eat, free coffee to drink~! yeah~! damn~! the guy in charge of expo from apb looks like my first crush in primary sch~! haha... yeah, life's funny~!
new year's coming... can't really anticipate, cos, working everyday... sianz~! but, looking forward to it~!!
my grandma is being discharged today`! the doctor wanted to insert some sort of thing into her heart... anyway, i'm not that sure about the details, just that she can come home for the new year! yeah~!
the next major thing, that's really is stupid, is that my phone bill has expolded~!!! aargh~! i don't know what really happened, i talked too much?? haha, i have to control then~! it's a an amt~!! luckily, my mum didn't scold me like she usually does... perhaps she's in a good mood?? haha... that's good~!
i'm now working at expo~! hmm, long hours, good pay, good sales~! hey yoke, sheng siong has beckoned~! haha, good for u~! i really love working at expo, good working partner, good environment, free food to eat, free coffee to drink~! yeah~! damn~! the guy in charge of expo from apb looks like my first crush in primary sch~! haha... yeah, life's funny~!
new year's coming... can't really anticipate, cos, working everyday... sianz~! but, looking forward to it~!!
Saturday, January 29, 2005
i love my grandma, alot.
have never updated for a long long time... well, work takes a huge amt of my time and energy... laziness partly too... many things have happened since i last blogged... pleasant and unpleasant.... mostly heart-wrenching.... hiaz, i don't even know how to start, well, i'll try, here it goes...
it all started with my maternal grandma, complaining of chest pains, or in her own terms, heart pain... i was really scared when my aunty called me to check on her.... she has a weak heart to start with... when i rushed there, she was a picture of calm... this calmed me down tremendously, but i was thinking that she doesn't want to scare us.... my uncle came to fetch her to the hospital... i went to the a&e section and she was seen almost immediately by the doctor... i was all alone in the waiting area... in order to comfort myself, i read a book... i waited for almost an hour and a half, before the doctor came out... i was told that my ah mah, has water in her lungs... i was also informed that she has to stay in the hospital for her condition to stabilise... she was convinced to stay.... i was also told that the risks of getting heart attack is very very low.... i was very comforted by the thought... after settling everything, i went home....
the next day, we wanted to visit my grandma... so, my family, excluding my younger sis (she's working), went to the hospital... on the way there, i received a call from my uncle, apparently, my ah mah has a heart attack yesterday... 2 in fact.... did i say i hate doctors... we were also informed that if she suffered another one.... it will be... i almost wanted to cry on the train... sob my heart out... when we reached there... my ah mah, she was looking her usual self.... but, her ecg (heart monitering device) was getting worse every hour... but, she was looking alright! damn!
gave her the lunch.... hiaz... i just wanted to hold on to her hand forever.... i wanted to cry so badly, but didn't want her to know... i managed to maintain a firm composure... she has to be transferred to the heart specialist centre, to the high dependency ward... on the way there, they put some oxygen tank and stuff, which scared my ah mah.... hiaz... she saw those things when my grandpa was diagnosed with diabetes and aunty with cancer... damn`! hiaz.... by that time, almost all the immediate family, has arrived... when i saw my aunty crying, i almost wanted to, but i held on... in the ward, only 2 people can see her... hiaz.... i went to the toilet to cry then, i couldn't stand it anymore.... it was....
u must be wondering why it affected me so much? other then the fact that she's my grandma... well, i have been looked after by her since young, a baby... the bond there is indestrucible... i have always been her pride and joy, in the sense that, the first gtandchild to go uni, that sort of thing.... i remeber always giving her a hug before i leave on my own accord when i was young... i can see that she was very happy and glad... she asked me who ask me to give her a hug, i said myself... she beamed... i wonder sometimes, why does she have to suffer so much? a verbal abusing daughter, heart problems, leg problems... why does she have to have so much suffering?? i mean... hiaz... luckily, her condition has stablised, and she can change her ward... but, today, the doctor wants to speak to my mom abt some long-term plan... i just want to come home for new year....
i want to thank God for looking after my grandma, and giving me the strength. thank you.
stable, strong as steel
turmoil inside
worms squeezing the heart
who can understand?
not i, not u, not anyone
herself.
fine? nobody knows.
not i, not u, not anyone
8 hours. there's 2
she doesn't know
she cannot know
her family knows.
i love her.
that's all that matters.
it all started with my maternal grandma, complaining of chest pains, or in her own terms, heart pain... i was really scared when my aunty called me to check on her.... she has a weak heart to start with... when i rushed there, she was a picture of calm... this calmed me down tremendously, but i was thinking that she doesn't want to scare us.... my uncle came to fetch her to the hospital... i went to the a&e section and she was seen almost immediately by the doctor... i was all alone in the waiting area... in order to comfort myself, i read a book... i waited for almost an hour and a half, before the doctor came out... i was told that my ah mah, has water in her lungs... i was also informed that she has to stay in the hospital for her condition to stabilise... she was convinced to stay.... i was also told that the risks of getting heart attack is very very low.... i was very comforted by the thought... after settling everything, i went home....
the next day, we wanted to visit my grandma... so, my family, excluding my younger sis (she's working), went to the hospital... on the way there, i received a call from my uncle, apparently, my ah mah has a heart attack yesterday... 2 in fact.... did i say i hate doctors... we were also informed that if she suffered another one.... it will be... i almost wanted to cry on the train... sob my heart out... when we reached there... my ah mah, she was looking her usual self.... but, her ecg (heart monitering device) was getting worse every hour... but, she was looking alright! damn!
gave her the lunch.... hiaz... i just wanted to hold on to her hand forever.... i wanted to cry so badly, but didn't want her to know... i managed to maintain a firm composure... she has to be transferred to the heart specialist centre, to the high dependency ward... on the way there, they put some oxygen tank and stuff, which scared my ah mah.... hiaz... she saw those things when my grandpa was diagnosed with diabetes and aunty with cancer... damn`! hiaz.... by that time, almost all the immediate family, has arrived... when i saw my aunty crying, i almost wanted to, but i held on... in the ward, only 2 people can see her... hiaz.... i went to the toilet to cry then, i couldn't stand it anymore.... it was....
u must be wondering why it affected me so much? other then the fact that she's my grandma... well, i have been looked after by her since young, a baby... the bond there is indestrucible... i have always been her pride and joy, in the sense that, the first gtandchild to go uni, that sort of thing.... i remeber always giving her a hug before i leave on my own accord when i was young... i can see that she was very happy and glad... she asked me who ask me to give her a hug, i said myself... she beamed... i wonder sometimes, why does she have to suffer so much? a verbal abusing daughter, heart problems, leg problems... why does she have to have so much suffering?? i mean... hiaz... luckily, her condition has stablised, and she can change her ward... but, today, the doctor wants to speak to my mom abt some long-term plan... i just want to come home for new year....
i want to thank God for looking after my grandma, and giving me the strength. thank you.
stable, strong as steel
turmoil inside
worms squeezing the heart
who can understand?
not i, not u, not anyone
herself.
fine? nobody knows.
not i, not u, not anyone
8 hours. there's 2
she doesn't know
she cannot know
her family knows.
i love her.
that's all that matters.
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
innermost once again...
i was supposed to prepare some materials for my tuition kids.... however, i went online instead.... haha... then, i went to read some blogs.... oh, what a mistake that is... in the sense that i have not read others entries for a long time... then, it stirred up some feelings that i thought have been long buried and forgotten... however, the feelings that were generated were not of resentment, jealousy??, or any sense of discontentment... however, a tinge of sadness mixed with satisfaction... well, it's not pointed at anyone, but rather my train of thoughts... so, here goes...
firstly, went to meet up with hui qi and hwee min yesterday... we played table tennis~! haha... although we didn't played for long, it was a mild workout... then, we headed for hwee min's house to cook maggie mee... it was too overcooked... haha... watched mean girls too... again... it was enlightening for me... anyway, while we were playing table tennis, we were talking abt people and stuff... i was filled with this loss, as in i don't really have many frens... hmm, to me, frens are meant to be treasured if they are close... however, in this society, people seem to derive great pleasure in having many frens... i used to think that these people are real sad, as they need to have so much people around them to remind them of their existence... however, i'm wrong... maybe these people are just merely a people's person, different people have different personalities... just say that i much prefered solitude... maybe too much....
i was suddenly reminded of my college life... i feel a sense of belonging in college, because i clicked well with the people as compared to my sec sch... i enjoy the interaction and all.... then, i started to think of society in general... how much do i know of people in general.... i mean, i thought i knew these people, but actually i don't... it's real scary... in the society, do people put on such a marvellous front that one can't actually decipher others at all... is it a type of protection?? it's a pity, not being able to understand others totally, when all u see is a mask... then, i ask myself, does it matter at all?? u don't remember all the people u see... sometimes, when i'm alone, i am glad, cos, i don't really have to see the people i don't want to see... so, it's just me?? yeah, it is...
most people thrive on being an individual... u know, something that makes each one of us different from one another... well, that is not wrong... but, isn't it kind of sad, as in real pathetic if someone tries so damn hard to be different, where through the speech and actions, it's so obvious... it's real painful to watch... everyone is guilty of that, i believe, no matter how different our characteristics frame us to be... i used to despise people who like to lean on others... it's like they lack of this confidence to be alone, to do things alone... i think it's the herd mentality that a human being possess... i find it sickening, yet comforting sometimes.... u think someone will always be there for u and vice versa... but, when someone keeps depending and leaning, that someone has no self-worth?? that's really what i feel...
hmm, haven't really written such an entry that pries from my innermost thoughts for a long time... now, i feel a little better... in the sense that, i am blissfully aware, yet ignorant of the people around me, people whom i thought i know....
life.... is good.... without.... those... u don't like.... don't u agree??
yeah, yet, this entry sounds bitterly justifying?? haha.... anything... it's all perception....
firstly, went to meet up with hui qi and hwee min yesterday... we played table tennis~! haha... although we didn't played for long, it was a mild workout... then, we headed for hwee min's house to cook maggie mee... it was too overcooked... haha... watched mean girls too... again... it was enlightening for me... anyway, while we were playing table tennis, we were talking abt people and stuff... i was filled with this loss, as in i don't really have many frens... hmm, to me, frens are meant to be treasured if they are close... however, in this society, people seem to derive great pleasure in having many frens... i used to think that these people are real sad, as they need to have so much people around them to remind them of their existence... however, i'm wrong... maybe these people are just merely a people's person, different people have different personalities... just say that i much prefered solitude... maybe too much....
i was suddenly reminded of my college life... i feel a sense of belonging in college, because i clicked well with the people as compared to my sec sch... i enjoy the interaction and all.... then, i started to think of society in general... how much do i know of people in general.... i mean, i thought i knew these people, but actually i don't... it's real scary... in the society, do people put on such a marvellous front that one can't actually decipher others at all... is it a type of protection?? it's a pity, not being able to understand others totally, when all u see is a mask... then, i ask myself, does it matter at all?? u don't remember all the people u see... sometimes, when i'm alone, i am glad, cos, i don't really have to see the people i don't want to see... so, it's just me?? yeah, it is...
most people thrive on being an individual... u know, something that makes each one of us different from one another... well, that is not wrong... but, isn't it kind of sad, as in real pathetic if someone tries so damn hard to be different, where through the speech and actions, it's so obvious... it's real painful to watch... everyone is guilty of that, i believe, no matter how different our characteristics frame us to be... i used to despise people who like to lean on others... it's like they lack of this confidence to be alone, to do things alone... i think it's the herd mentality that a human being possess... i find it sickening, yet comforting sometimes.... u think someone will always be there for u and vice versa... but, when someone keeps depending and leaning, that someone has no self-worth?? that's really what i feel...
hmm, haven't really written such an entry that pries from my innermost thoughts for a long time... now, i feel a little better... in the sense that, i am blissfully aware, yet ignorant of the people around me, people whom i thought i know....
life.... is good.... without.... those... u don't like.... don't u agree??
yeah, yet, this entry sounds bitterly justifying?? haha.... anything... it's all perception....
Monday, January 17, 2005
working.... sianz~!
aargh~!! did something stupid... and the whole entry was deleted.... aargh~! anyway, working suxs... well, i'm supposed to promote berr, so was supposed to stand the whole day at the beer counter.... and, being the coward, i didn't dare to visit the toilet and ask for eating break... in addition, being the odd one out, the whole place is filled with malaysians... whom, seem to look down on me... well, being assigned to such a place like sheng siong, just beside the causeway, what can i expect?? sianz... the store manager, aargh, he seems to think he's super smart and big, whateva, and he's a malaysian... not that i have anything against them, but, it's that kind of feeling, ya know? hmm, i don't think i'm gonna look for another job, after these 3 weeks... unless, there's sitting involved... hiaz... yeah, full of complaints, abt working... typical of a spoilt brat?? well, hiaz, i have back problems, which caused severe shoulder ache after standing for more than 2 hrs... it was so bad yesterday, that i wanted to scream out loud... hiaz, the money's good, what can i say? and eating is so boring alone... hmm, yoke, agree?? hiaz... haha, anyway, working's like that rite?? being subjected to all kind of atrocities, and can't complain... sianz...
anyway, i've developed this irritating habit, of smiling at almost everyone... standing at the beer counter all day, i've to smile at every customer that walked past to introduce the premiums... which, i have to smile at everyone... my position is so bad that most staff will also walk past, where i have to smile at them too.... friendly mah... so, now, wherever i am, i smile at them automatically.... irritating~!! aargh~!! i'm nice mah?? yeah, rite~!! hiaz, working....
going out with hui qi, hwee min tomorrow... haven't seen them for a long, long time... haha, hope to have fun tomorrow... hate working~!!!!
anyway, i've developed this irritating habit, of smiling at almost everyone... standing at the beer counter all day, i've to smile at every customer that walked past to introduce the premiums... which, i have to smile at everyone... my position is so bad that most staff will also walk past, where i have to smile at them too.... friendly mah... so, now, wherever i am, i smile at them automatically.... irritating~!! aargh~!! i'm nice mah?? yeah, rite~!! hiaz, working....
going out with hui qi, hwee min tomorrow... haven't seen them for a long, long time... haha, hope to have fun tomorrow... hate working~!!!!
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